


Call It Anything But Love

by kaleidomusings



Series: Distance [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Dubious Consent, Durin Family Feels, Family, Kili just wants to make everyone else happy, M/M, Thorin is emotionally constipated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-29
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2017-12-06 22:17:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 33,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/740769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaleidomusings/pseuds/kaleidomusings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Attacked by the guards of Mirkwood, Kili is unexpectedly saved by the elven prince, Legolas. But what starts out as a chance encounter ends up becoming an arranged marriage. </p><p>Kili doesn't know how this is his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For Goose.

For one brief, satisfying moment, Kili catches the guard with a fist to the face. The elf topples back, but there's another shoving him down on the dungeon floor, while a third grabs his arms and pins them above his head. Kili thrashes like a wild thing and manages to free a leg, kicking the elf sitting on top of him as hard as he can in the chest. But the elf holding his wrists shifts his hold and suddenly there are long fingers twisting in his hair, slamming the back of his head against the hard floor. 

Kili gasps, stunned into stillness. He takes a moment to blink stars from his vision before realizing that two pairs of hands are reaching under his tunic and the fastenings of his trousers. Cold dread of what is about to happen washes over him, making him howl in rage as he struggles, snapping his teeth at the nearest elf. The creature draws back and says something in its strange and frightening language, but before Kili can make sense of anything, a rag is stuffed in his mouth so viciously it makes him gag.

The elves mutter to each other as Kili fights to catch his breath. His heart is jumping in his throat and he can't think straight, but he refuses to let this happen to him. He's been trapped in this awful place for weeks, separated from Fili and Thorin and the rest of his companions. He's had to endure the jeers and wandering eyes of the guards the whole time, alone, without a way to defend himself. But he'd sooner die than let them rape him. 

He twists in their hold, but for such willowy things they're stronger than they look. They reach for his clothes again and Kili squeezes his eyes shut, bracing himself, when he hears a shout. One of the guard falls over as if he's been knocked down by thin air, and the elf holding Kili's arms suddenly flies back. Kili doesn't waste this chance and hits the other guard over the head, knocking him down and wrenching himself free. He yanks the gag out of his mouth and backs away. 

"If you touch me again, I'll kill you," Kili snarls at them. He tries to imitate Thorin, who is always brave and strong no matter how scared he is, but his voice just sounds breathless and terrified. 

"You'd best do as he says," a voice speaks up from the other side of the cell doors. "If I recall correctly, King Thranduil has strictly forbidden harassing the prisoners." Startled, Kili and guards turn to find the prince of Mirkwood surveying the situation with his cold eyes. There are several other guards standing behind him and he gestures to the cell. "Get them out of here and send them away. As for the prisoner, bring him to my quarters."

One of the elves that assaulted Kili shouts something he can't understand, but the prince turns slowly with such a thunderous look on his face that everyone stiffens. "I will not stand for insubordination," the prince says and lifts one elegant brow. "Unless you would rather face execution instead?"

The elves who attacked him are dragged away, but when one of the guards draws close to him, Kili immediately flinches back. With a flush of shame, he realizes his trousers are hanging obscenely low over his hips, the ties nearly loosened. He quickly straightens his clothes and glares, daring anyone to mock him for the sorry state he's in. But no one is looking at him, least of all the prince, who is talking to one of his guards quietly in their strange tongue.

An elf steps toward Kili and holds up its hands when Kili tenses, as if soothing a cornered animal. "This way," it says, leading him away from his cell and through the dungeon. For a wild moment, he thinks about running ahead to look for Fili, but he knows better than to draw attention to his brother after what's happened. Instead he clenches his fists to hide their trembling and follows the guard through the palace until he's led to what must be the prince's rooms. 

Perhaps, had things been different, Kili would have allowed himself to be awed by the wealth and fancies of the elves (although he's positively sure it pales in comparison to Erebor's magnificence and splendor). As it is, he heads to the nearest window and stares up at the black open sky. The moon and stars are so lovely after all those nights spent in his cell that Kili feels like he's seeing them for the first time. For one wild moment, he has a thought of breaking the window and escaping, to taste the night air and feel the sun on his skin again, but he resists. He would get lost for sure in the wicked forest of Mirkwood, and -even if he doesn't- he can't abandon the others, least of all Thorin and Fili.

Suddenly there's a soft sound behind him and a whisper. "Kili? Are you all right?"

He turns and finds Bilbo peering out from one of the interior rooms. The hobbit is pale and thin, but he seems to be uninjured, and for that Kili is relieved. "Bilbo!" he says, a little too loudly if Bilbo's wince is anything to go by, so he quickly lowers his voice. "We were wondering what had happened to you. What are you doing there?"

"Hiding, obviously." The sarcasm is practically dripping from the hobbit's words. "But that's not important. I saw what happened. In the cell."

A chill runs down his spine in response. Kili could have handled the shame of it so long as he was the only one who knew. But Bilbo had seen how he was unable to defend himself, saw how weak and pathetic he was, and the knowledge of it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

It doesn't make him feel any better when Bilbo looks at him with pity in his eyes as he slowly takes a step forward; fortunately, he's smart enough to not try touching him. Instead, he says, "Kili, none of that was your fault."

"I know." Because it wasn't. He knows it wasn't. He just wishes he could believe that, especially when all he can think about is his temper flaring from the guards' remarks, causing him to shout the filthiest curses he knew at them. He was rather proud of himself by how it took them aback, but the gratification of it was short lived as they stormed his cell with every intention of _violating him_. 

"It's all right," Bilbo says gently. "You're safe now, Kili."

At first, Kili is confused by his meaning, until it occurs to him that he's shivering. Bilbo moves closer as if to comfort him, when they're interrupted by the door opening. Kili whirls around to find the prince entering the room, followed closely by another elf, but when he turns back to his friend he finds that Bilbo has already disappeared. It probably shouldn't surprise him, but he is impressed all the same; hobbits really are elusive when they want to be.

The prince moves close and Kili feels his heart speed up when he realizes whose rooms he's been brought to. Is the prince helping him out of the goodness of his heart, or is he going to finish what the guards started? The uncertainty frightens him and Kili wants nothing more than to back away, to put more distance between them. But he is an heir of Durin. He's not going to run. And if this prince tries anything, Kili will be sure to make him regret it. 

But instead of grabbing him, the prince just studies him with those strange blue eyes of his and asks, "What is your name?"

Kili blinks, wondering if he misheard somehow. If this is an interrogation, it is a strange one for the prince to ask a prisoner his name. He's almost tempted to lie, but it doesn't hurt to be honest with someone who helped him, even if they are an elf. "Kili." He pauses and adds, "My lord."

"I am Legolas," the prince says. "And I wish to apologize for what happened earlier."

Now Kili is certain he's hearing things. Or maybe he hit his head harder than he thought. "You what?"

Legolas doesn't quite smile, but Kili sees a hint of what must be amusement in his eyes. "Despite what you may think, the only reason you and your companions are imprisoned is to keep the people of Greenwood safe. We mean no harm to any of you."

There are quite a few different ways Kili thinks to respond and none of them are flattering in the slightest, so he just nods. Still, Legolas seems pleased by his response and he beckons to the elf standing behind him. The elf reaches out one thin, pale hand toward him and Kili rears back, his heart pounding against his ribcage. " _Don't_."

"Harriel is a healer," Legolas explains. "One of the very best."

"I'm fine," Kili insists. He doesn't want either of them to touch him if he can help it, even if his head does throb from when it was slammed into the floor. Thankfully it doesn't feel like a concussion, which is really more than he could ask for. He might have a bump on his head, but he'll live.

Neither Legolas nor the healer seem convinced, but they take his word for it. "A bath will be drawn and you may use the bed to rest," Legolas says, which makes Kili tense up. Legolas seems to sense this and is quick to reassure him. "I have matters to attend to and will not be here tonight."

Kili stares at him. "You're letting me use your room?"

Legolas nods. "Just for the night. You _are_ still a prisoner, after all."

So Kili doesn't protest when Harriel readies the bath before he's left on own. He quietly calls for Bilbo, but there is no answer; perhaps the hobbit slipped out while no one was paying attention. In any case, the steaming water is like heaven against his skin and he scrubs himself so hard he's red all over when he climbs out. There are some silk clothes left out for him to change into, but he refuses to put on any elvish garments and dresses in his dirty tunic and trousers. Then he crawls into the bed, which feels softer than a cloud, and he's asleep almost instantly. 

In the morning, Legolas is nowhere to be found when he's led back to his cell, with new guards that make no move to harass him. And, even after he and the others escape from Thranduil's prison, Kili catches himself thinking about a strange elven prince with his not-quite smiles and wonders if he'll ever see him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this fic comes from Christina Perri's "Distance".


	2. Chapter 2

Nearly dying can really change one's perspective of the world.

It seems like an eternity ago since Kili left home for the first time, venturing out on a quest he cared little about. The only thing that really mattered to him at the time was that Thorin and Fili were going, and he refused to be left behind in Ered Luin. But he was too reckless and wild, always the first to lose his temper and the first to leap into a fight. 

But the adventure changed all that.

After nearly losing both his uncle and his brother in the battle, Kili realizes that there are more important things than wealth or fame. And while he may be the second prince and will never sit on the throne, all that matters is making his king proud and bringing honor to his family, so when he’s asked to enter a marriage alliance to better relations between Erebor and its neighboring kingdoms, Kili agrees.

Perhaps some time ago he might have protested, saying he’s not the heir like Fili, that he should have the choice to marry who he loves. But things are different now, and that dream he once had is already a faint memory.

Thorin and Dis exchange worried glances when he admits as much, but it’s Fili who actually talks to him about it. “You don’t have to do this,” he tells him privately, like he’s still the kid brother that needs looking after. It fills Kili with such warmth and affection he can’t help but smile, shaking his head.

“Unlike you and Thorin, I’m the only one not promised to anyone. I’m the best choice to do this.”

“I could end my engagement,” Fili tries, but they both know it’s a lie. He’s too in love with his betrothed to leave her and Kili would never forgive him if he did.

Kili clasps the back of his brother’s neck and presses their foreheads together. “Let me do this, Fili,” he says quietly.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers back and Kili doesn’t know what he’s apologizing for.

\--

Over the following months, envoys from the other dwarf clans make their way to Erebor and Kili suddenly finds himself bombarded with more attention and gifts than he knows what to do with. Fortunately, some of his suitors are more pleasant than others -like Lady Tes or Lord Caen- but they never seem to be what he’s looking for in a marriage partner. 

Maybe that makes him seem unreasonable, but if he has to spend the rest of his life with one person, it should be with someone of his own choosing.

Then the elves of Mirkwood arrive. 

Everyone assumes it's to pay homage to the reestablished kingdom and its rightful ruler, but Thranduil stuns the entire court when he proposes a marriage between Kili and his son, Legolas, right there in the throne room. 

The first to react is Thorin, who leaps up with a roar, shouting things that Kili is sure will result in bloodshed. And because fighting in one war has been an experience he wouldn't want to repeat any time soon, Kili takes a moment to consider the proposal. Legolas looks nothing like Lady Tes, who had the loveliest beard Kili has ever laid eyes on, or Lord Caen, with his handsome dwarf figure. Instead, Legolas is tall and thin like the rest of his kind, with a long, unattractive face and strange pale eyes. But Kili also thinks of the strained relations between their races, of Thorin's grudge and of prison guards who held him down, and decides that a marriage might be a step forward in mending the rift. 

Somewhere hidden at the back of his mind, Kili is rather disappointed of not being able to choose his own partner after all and trapping himself in a loveless marriage, but it's for the good of the kingdom. And, thinking about it, he could probably do a lot worse than an elven prince who showed kindness to a prisoner when he didn't have to. 

"I accept this proposal," Kili says at last, loud enough to be heard over the chaos.

There is a long, deafening silence. Dis and Fili are staring at him and Thorin looks like he wants to impale himself on his sword, but Kili is watching Legolas, who tilts his head to one side in acknowledgement.

And then the shouting starts up again.

\--

"You've changed since I saw you last."

Kili glances over his shoulder and isn't surprised to find Legolas standing behind him. He fits another arrow to his bow, drawing the string and lets it fly, where it hits the target dead center. "It's been three years," he says, "Of course I've changed."

He's not that naive young dwarf looking for adventure anymore. Just three years ago, he nearly died. Two years ago, he couldn't even hold a bow, and it took him a whole year after that to shoot like he used to, even if his eyesight will never be as it was.

Kili feels the unsettling weight of Legolas' gaze, but he refuses to look at him until Legolas suddenly asks, "What does your family think of our engagement?"

The truth is, Dis is worried about him and Thorin may or may not be considering to disown him. The only one who understands is Fili, and even he's not sure if Kili made the right decision, although he does agree it's for a good cause. "They're fine with it," Kili lies. 

A touch on the shoulder catches him off guard and Kili whirls around, only to find hands holding his face as a warm pair of lips press against his own. Kili freezes up in surprise before yanking away, rubbing the back of his hand over his mouth. His skin is tingling and his cheeks are burning, the realization of which makes him suddenly and intensely angry. "What are you doing?" he demands.

Legolas tilts his head, studying him the same way he did all those years ago in Mirkwood. "Kissing you," he says, sounding amused (or as amused as an elf can possibly sound anyway) and that causes Kili's temper to boil over. 

"I never gave you permission!" he shouts. 

"But we're to be married," Legolas says and gives him a look, like _Kili_ is the one who is being difficult. 

Kili's hands clench so hard around his bow he thinks it might crack, but the sensible part of him knows punching his future husband would probably be counterproductive to the alliance. "So wait until after we're married to kiss me," he snaps angrily.

Then, before waiting for Legolas' reply, Kili grabs his things and shoves past him. 

\--

The next several days are awkward and strange. Legolas doesn't stop spending time with Kili (mostly at the archery range, where they even shoot together sometimes) and still sits at the table directly across from him during meals, but seems cold and unfriendly. It makes Kili uneasy, wondering if Legolas has lost interest in him already, the way the others had. Has he told Thranduil about Kili's reaction? And if he did, would they call off the engagement? How would that affect the already gaping divide between their peoples?

Plagued by his thoughts, Kili can barely sleep and Fili is the first to point it out. In fact, on the particular morning in question Fili catches up with him in the corridors, takes one look at his face and says, "You look awful."

Kili rubs his eyes, feeling cranky. "Brilliant observation, brother. You must be very proud of yourself."

"Don't be cross," Fili says, looking hurt. "I'm really worried about you. Is it because of the elf prince?"

For a moment, he isn't sure how to answer. He could lie and laugh it off, but Fili will worry, and if he tells the truth, Fili will still worry. After a moment, he settles on the safest response. "Just, the idea of marriage. I'm not sure if I'm ready for it," he says, shrugging to appear nonchalant.

Fili smiles with relief and ruffles his hair. "There's nothing to worry about. The prince will take good care of you if he knows what's good for him. Thorin will make sure of that."

Keeping secrets from his brother always makes Kili feel guilty and irritated, so it's almost a relief when Lae finds them. Almost, except for the way Fili's face brightens at the sight of her and he hurries over to kiss her, which makes Kili roll his eyes behind their backs. Lae is a dwarf with bright red hair and green eyes, who has been promised to Fili since they were children. And, with their wedding day so close, they are disgustingly more and more affectionate with each other. 

"Good morning, Kili," Lae says, her cheeks slightly flushed from the kiss. Fili stands by her side, beaming, while holding her hand in his. 

"Good morning," he replies, forcing a smile. They look so perfect and happy, Kili can't help envying them for it. The fact he will never know that kind of happiness and love hurts more than he is willing to admit, so he makes his excuses and leaves them, going to see his mother instead. 

He finds her in her chambers and Dis takes one look at his face before saying, "Oh, darling. You look terrible."

"Thanks, Ma," he mutters dryly. 

She cuffs him lightly over the head. "Don't be smart with me." Then she sits him down, brushing out his hair and braiding it, the way she used to when he was a boy. The braids won't last, of course, but it's the thought that counts. "You seem troubled. Do you care to talk about it?"

Kili stares at his reflection, frowning at the plain face and flawed features that stare back. He wonders what Legolas sees when he looks at him, what made him want-- want to kiss him. Or is this just a game and will Legolas ignore him once they're married? Kili can't decide which would be worse, to be quite honest. "Do you think I did the right thing?" he asks suddenly. 

Dis' fingers still in his hair for just a moment, but that alone tells him all he needs to know. "I think you made a good decision," she says at last, resuming with her braiding.

"Just not the best one."

Dis snaps his hair clasp in place and rests her chin on his shoulder. They look at each other in the reflection of the mirror and something inside him aches. "Kili, what I want is for you to be happy. But I worry that a marriage like this won't bring you much joy."

Kili nods, because he thinks the very same thing. But he has a talent of finding the good in a bad situation. "I'll figure out a way to make it work," he assures her.

He'll learn to live with it, the way he always has.


	3. Chapter 3

Dis rolls her eyes at the ridiculous way Kili holds the door open for her with a sweeping bow, but she graciously links their arms together as they leave her rooms, which of course is when Legolas finds him, because that's the sort of luck Kili has.

An odd expression crosses over the elf's face when he catches sight of him, and Kili isn't quite sure what to make of it. On any other person it might have been happy, but that's too strange to think about, so Kili blames it on a trick of the light. "Kili," Legolas says in greeting and hurries over. He doesn't even notice Dis is there at first, but when he does, he pauses before inclining his head to her politely. "Lady Dis. Good morning."

Kili scowls, offended on his mother's behalf, but she squeezes his arm reassuringly and smiles. "Good morning, Prince Legolas."

Legolas nods and turns to Kili, who tries very hard not to squirm under his gaze. "I need to speak with you," he says. "Do you have a moment?"

“I’m walking with my mother,” he replies through gritted teeth. _Go away_ , he doesn't say, tempted though he is. But judging by the way Legolas frowns at him, his thoughts must be showing themselves clear as day on his face regardless of whether he wants them to or not.

Fortunately, Dis is more of a diplomat than he is and knows how to salvage hopeless situations. “Would you care to join us?” she asks, actually sounding sincere about it. Kili sends her a betrayed look only to bite his lip, swallowing a pained yelp when she pinches his arm. Hard.

"It would be a pleasure," Legolas says, but doesn't speak another word after that. Within moments, a heavy silence falls over them as they walk, which makes Kili nervous and uncomfortable.

Dis sends him an amused look he pointedly ignores, before she asks Legolas, "How are you enjoying your stay in Erebor, your highness?"

Legolas glances at Kili and the corner of his mouth tilts upward in the semblance of a smile. "Actually, my lady, it's been better than I hoped it would be."

Kili wonders if he's subtly insulting them, or if he really means what he says, but Dis just nods. "Having all of this again brings me more joy than I ever thought possible," she says softly, so softly Kili reaches for her hand and holds it tight. She smiles at him and pats his fingers reassuringly. "And yet, Erebor has changed so much. I feel like it's become a different place in my absence, which makes it all the more beautiful to me. But I still continue to worry for it."

"With our houses united, it will only continue to flourish," Legolas says just as softly. Kili turns away when he finds him looking, feeling flushed and not quite sure why. "And I would gladly lay down my life to defend it."

It occurs to him suddenly that they may not talking about Erebor at all. Kili isn't sure how to react to that, least of all when his mother says meaningfully, "Then I trust you will prove to be as capable as you claim."

"What--" Kili starts but then Dis is kissing his cheek and pulling away from him.

"I will take my leave now," she says politely, then says her goodbyes and walks away.

Kili stares after her, knowing that he's missed something important and not sure what it could be. He glances at Legolas, who is watching him intently. "What?"

"Your mother is quite extraordinary," Legolas says.

Kili nods, because there's no argument there. "So what was it you needed to talk about?" he asks.

A cool hand suddenly presses against his face and his breath catches in his throat. Legolas steps closer, sweeping his thumb over the curve of his cheek. Kili reaches up -to push him away, he's sure, definitely not to pull him closer- but Legolas catches his hand and his fingers brush the inside of his wrist, making him shiver.

"When was the last time you slept properly?"

Of all the things Kili expects him to say in that moment, that is definitely not it. "Pardon?"

The hand on his face drifts lower to his neck. "You look tired," Legolas says quietly.

Kili doesn't respond, because what is he supposed to say to that? He's frightened of the marriage. He's scared of Legolas wanting him just as much as he's scared of Legolas not wanting him. And he's been having strange dreams. Dreams where he's in Mirkwood, wandering through the halls, and no matter what he says or does none of the elves seem to notice him. It's like he's a ghost, unseen and unheard and completely alone. But Kili refuses to tell Legolas any of that.

When he continues to remain silent, Legolas sighs. "My father has decided to stay in Erebor for your brother's wedding, before returning to Greenwood so we can be married," he says, then adds, "King Thorin agreed."

"Oh." That meant Kili only had a few more weeks with his family before he would become a husband. And, although Kili still believes he's making the right choice, it was suddenly hard to remember why. "Of course."

Legolas doesn't look convinced, but thankfully doesn't say anything about it. Instead, he tugs lightly on a strand of hair that had fallen loose from Kili's braid. "This suits you well."

Kili forgets how to breathe, because Legolas has moved closer to him than ever as he touches his hair. But, even when he braces himself for whatever he might do, Legolas leans in only to kiss his cheek. It's soft and chaste and strangely affectionate, similar to the one his mother had given him only moments before.

"I will see you later," Legolas says as he pulls away, his mouth tilted up at the corner, almost as if he's smiling.

Kili watches him go and, after a very long moment, presses his hand over the place Legolas kissed.

\--

"So you're really marrying the elf then?" Gimli asks later that night, his words slurring. For some reason, he's laying on the floor, although Kili isn't entirely sure how he got there. Most likely it's all the ale and mead they've been drinking. 

"His name is Legolas," Kili says, feeling obligated to point it out for some reason. Perhaps he's more drunk than he thought. "And yes. I am."

Ori belches and rolls around on Fili's bed, bumping up against Kili. It's more than big enough to fit all four of them, so Kili tries to shove him away. But Ori makes a sad little noise and presses closer. "I don't want you to go," he whines unhappily. 

Fili, who may or may not be the most sober of them, pets his hair. "Ori, he won't be gone forever," he says soothingly, "Of course he'll be back to visit us."

Kili certainly hopes so. Surely Legolas wouldn't try to keep Kili locked away in Mirkwood for the rest of his life? Maybe he might even come with him to see Erebor again and Kili makes a mental note to ask about it later. When he's not hungover, that is.

"How can you be so calm about this?" Gimli demands, leaping up and nearly toppling on to the bed. "Aren't you worried about Kili marrying that pointy-eared bastard and going back to that horrible place?" Ori wails louder and gulps down the rest of his ale while Kili grumbles, annoyed to be spoken about while he's still in the room. He's also about to point out the choice was his to make, but Fili interrupts before he can.

"Don't you think I know that?" he asks. The completely anguished expression on his face breaks Kili's heart. "It's absolutely killing me because I want to go with him but have to stay here instead."

Kili blinks hard, choked up with all the things he wants to say and not sure how to say any of them. "Fili--" 

"Then I'll go," Gimli says suddenly. They all turn to him and he scowls at the surprise on their faces. "There's no way I'm leaving a cousin of mine alone with only elves as company."

"They'll throw you out on your ass," Ori says and ducks when Gimli swipes at him. 

Always looking for an opportunity to tease, Fili adds, "Or you'll lose your temper and start a war."

Roaring, Gimli leaps on top of them and suddenly they're wrestling, Kili laughing so hard he barely feels the elbow that slams into his gut. They shout and fight until they're exhausted and can do little else but lay there, staring up at the ceiling. 

"I was being serious, you know," Gimli says after a moment, his voice soft.

Kili smiles, wistful and sad. "I know."


	4. Chapter 4

Kili is convinced he'll never fall in love with Legolas, but he thinks they might be able to become friends, despite their differences.

The unease he feels when around his betrothed has lessened over the last few days, which probably has to do with Legolas actually respecting his personal space. Not that Legolas has stopped touching him, because that is unfortunately not the case, but Kili finds he doesn't mind the physical contact as much. It helps that Legolas doesn't do more than place a gentle hand on his shoulder or back, although every once in a while he will kiss on his cheek or play with his hair. It's strange and a little embarrassing, but Kili rather likes the attention.

Granted, Legolas is as difficult to read as ever. Kili still has no idea what to make of his expressions and most of his comments and remarks. But he's slowly learning things about the elven prince he hasn't noticed before. Like how Legolas pouts a little when he's thinking and fiddles with his arm guards when he's nervous and is extremely competitive. At everything. 

"You're being ridiculous," Kili tells him, because he is. 

Legolas doesn't say anything, but he does give him a look that amuses him greatly. Kili crouches next to the buck he fell with his arrow, wondering how he could have been nervous about hunting in the woods alone with him, when there was only the satisfaction of making the shot Legolas hadn't been able to. The elf may have better eyes, but Kili has better aim, and that's a fact he's immensely proud of. 

"Oh, come on," Kili's grin widens when Legolas continues to stare down at him. "You got those two rabbits, so we're practically even."

Legolas doesn't look convinced, but he crouches beside Kili, their knees practically touching. Kili does his best to ignore how close they are and the racing of his heart, instead glancing at the bow Legolas still holds in his hand.

"Can I hold it?" he asks, before he can stop himself. 

Legolas blinks at him and Kili frantically wonders if it's a rude thing to ask. They've been shooting together for weeks, both at the archery range and in the woods, and Kili has been curious of the elven bow and how it differs from his own. But maybe he's crossed some boundary he wasn't supposed to?

"I'm sorry," he says, cursing himself and his big mouth. "I was just wondering--"

But before he can fumble over the rest of that apology, Legolas' face _brightens_ and the sight of it nearly takes his breath away. Kili never really understood why the elves are considered beautiful by the other races, but it makes sense when he sees Legolas smile like that, which is a very odd realization and one he's not quite sure what to make of.

"Here," Legolas says and holds out the bow, interrupting his musings before they spiral out of control. Kili is grateful for the distraction and studies the weapon in his hands. It's long and slender, seeming more likely to snap in the breeze or crumble in his hands if he holds it too tightly. Still, he's seen the power behind such a weapon, misleading though it is, with the intricate carvings of leaves and vines along the curve of it. Kili stands and draws the bowstring back, testing its weight and pull. It's too big for him and he prefers his own bow, but even he can admire the skill that went into making it. He glances at Legolas to tell him so, except the words stutter to a halt when he realizes Legolas is watching him. 

"What?"

The warmth in his eyes makes a blush creep up the back of Kili's neck and sends his heart stammering again. "This is the first time you've asked me for something," Legolas says softly.

Kili shrugs his shoulders and hands him back his bow, pretending it's not a big deal. And it's not. It's really not. "I don't want anything from you," he says, which is the truth

Legolas nods, seeming pleased. "Exactly."

\--

With Thorin busy preparing for Fili's wedding and dealing with the elves from Mirkwood, Kili hasn't been able to catch even a moment with him. But he needs to speak with him and decides to meet Thorin at his rooms instead. But what he doesn't expect to find is Thranduil leaving his uncle's chambers, closing the door softly but firmly behind him. 

"Um," Kili says eloquently and then berates himself for gaping like an idiot. He quickly bows. "Good evening, your majesty."

"Good evening," Thranduil replies, tilting his head to the side. 

It reminds Kili of Legolas, except being around the elven king is making him incredibly nervous. He realizes now Thranduil was only acting in the best interest of his people, but all Kili can think about is being separated from his family and his friends in those dungeons, the long days spent with hostile guards who almost did the unthinkable. And while he tries not to blame Thranduil, the memories resurface despite his best efforts. 

Thranduil seems aware of this, because he moves as if to place a hand on his shoulder, but immediately stops when Kili flinches away. "I have done you a great disservice," he says softly, dropping his hand. "I am truly sorry."

Kili swallows hard, flushed and bewildered. His soon-to-be father-in-law was apologizing to him? Why? "What-- What do you mean, my lord?"

"Legolas told me what happened," Thranduil explains and Kili feels a chill run down his spine. He knows. _Legolas told him_. "But I can assure you that the perpetrators have been dealt with not long after the incident. You need not worry about them anymore."

"Oh," Kili manages to gasp out. Thranduil stares at him for a long moment before nodding and moving past him. 

As soon as he's out of sight, Kili leans his shoulder against the nearest wall and shuts his eyes. He thought he had put that all behind him years ago. How is it still haunting him? Not just with his other suitors, but Legolas too. And Legolas--

Thinking of the elf makes Kili suddenly and terribly furious. Even though the sensible part of him knows that Legolas had to tell his father and his king what happened, his entire focus is on how betrayed he feels. And Kili hates them all. He hates Thranduil and he hates the prison guards and he hates Legolas. But, most of all, he hates himself. He hates himself more than anything.

Rage threatens to spill over inside of him as Kili forces his way into Thorin's room. His uncle, slumped into a chair, lifts his head from his hands as Kili slams the door shut behind him. He wants to yell at him. He wants to scream and cry, but the defeated look in Thorin's eyes startles him so much that Kili feels the anger bleed out of him immediately. There is a reason he wanted to see Thorin, before the encounter with Thranduil, but he can't remember it anymore. And it doesn't really matter, because he sees how lost and vulnerable Thorin is in that moment.

"You're in love with him, aren't you?" The words fall from his lips before Kili can stop himself, but he realizes the truth as soon as he says them. Thranduil leaving Thorin's quarters at this hour and his uncle's pained expression suddenly makes so much sense. "You're in love with Thranduil and he's in love with you."

Thorin doesn't even try to deny it. He just looks tired. "Yes."

"Then why?" Kili demands, angry all over again. He could have avoided this mess if Thranduil and Thorin would just marry each other instead. And why shouldn't they, if they love each other? "Call off your engagement and marry the elf king!"

"It's not that simple," Thorin says, running his fingers through his dark hair streaked with grey. "People have already begun to question me and my right to rule. I need heirs to insure my place on the throne."

Kili frowns in confusion. "But you have Fili."

Sighing, Thorin shakes his head and rises from his chair. "It's not enough," he says, placing his hands on Kili's shoulders, as if willing him to understand. "He's not enough."

Kili wants to point out how unfair it is to Fili, who has been groomed to follow Thorin's footsteps since he was a child, but there's no need to. Because it definitely isn't fair and it's clear that Thorin knows it too.

"I'm so sorry, Kili," he says, like that actually means something. Like an apology will make things better. 

It doesn't. 


	5. Chapter 5

"Kili," Legolas says.

He pretends not to hear him. Instead, he laughs at some silly remark Ori makes and reaches across the table, slinging his arm around his neck and rubbing his knuckles mercilessly against the top of his head until he squawks. Gimli roars with laughter, nearly spilling his tankard, and ends up elbowing Fili hard in the ribs. 

"Kili." 

Fili, rubbing his side, seems to realize something is wrong. But Kili doesn't want to worry him so he smiles at Legolas, as if noticing him for the first time. "Oh, sorry," he says, "I didn't see you there."

Legolas frowns, his dark brows furrowed. "I have been looking all over for you," he says.

Ori grumbles and fixes his hair as Kili releases him, shrugging. He's not going to tell Legolas the truth, that he spent the entire day avoiding him and had hoped he'd be able to sneak off to bed without them seeing each other. "Was there something you needed?" he asks instead.

What Kili thinks might be irritation flashes in those pale eyes, but before Legolas can do more than take a step forward, Fili shoves his chair back and stands from the table. "What is going on here?" he demands.

Not wanting his brother or his friends caught up in his mess, Kili forces a smile and puts his hand on Fili's arm to placate him. "I forgot I was supposed to meet with Legolas," he says, keeping his tone light. Ori looks nervous while Gimli glares vehemently at the elf, but Fili seems the most concerned and Kili reminds himself to talk to his brother about it another time. "I'll see you all later."

Legolas bows his head slightly to the others and leads Kili out to the corridor.

As soon as they're alone and out of earshot, Kili finally lets his smile fall. "Was there a reason you just embarrassed me in front of my friends?" he asks, feeling snide and not caring.

"You're angry with me." Legolas sounds surprised and Kili doesn't know whether to laugh or throttle him.

"Congratulations," he says sarcastically. "Has anyone told you how skilled you are in stating the obvious?"

Legolas stares at him, but Kili refuses to look away. "What have I done to upset you?" he asks.

Suddenly, Kili would like nothing more than to hit him in his pristine elvish face. "You told him," he spits out angrily. "Your father. You told him what happened to me."

The silence that follows is long and terrible. Legolas continues to stare, but Kili just wants him to _say something_. He's has never been this angry or felt so ashamed before, and he wishes he can just pummel these feelings away until they didn't haunt him anymore, because fighting is so easier compared to dealing with his own emotions. 

When Kili starts growing impatient, Legolas sighs and beckons him to follow. “We should go somewhere private to discuss this.”

“Why?” Kili asks, suspicious.

For the first time ever, Kili can read the obvious frustration on his face. “Because I doubt you want anyone to overhear us,” Legolas says, the words harsh and biting.

Annoyed, Kili scowls at him, but reluctantly follows. Legolas leads him to the guest quarters he is staying in, but Kili keeps close to the doors even after they shut behind him, watching as Legolas sits down on the edge of the bed.

Legolas pauses before he speaks, as if unsure how to say what he needs to. “I only told my father so that those who hurt you were punished for what they did.”

Kili blinks away angry tears. He’s not going to let himself cry. He won't. “You had no right,” he says.

Legolas inhales sharply and Kili hates him. Hates him for _knowing_. “You never told your family what happened."

“Why would I?" He swallows a sound that's somewhere between a laugh and a sob. "It’s so shameful.”

“What do you have to be ashamed of?” Legolas asks, his tone gentle. "It wasn't your fault."

Kili knows that, but he still can't tell his family. They would think less of him if they knew. He can just imagine it. The disappointment in Thorin's eyes and the pity on his mother's face. And Fili-- Fili would blame himself, though there was nothing he could have done, even when it was _Kili_ who wasn't strong enough. Who is never strong enough, no matter how much he tries to be.

No. He can never tell them what happened. 

“What do you want from me?” Kili demands suddenly. He's shaking, he realizes, but doesn't know how to make himself stop. "Tell me what you want!"

"I don't want anything," Legolas says and they both know it's a lie.

Furious, Kili shoves Legolas back on the bed and climbs on top of him, pinning him down. He expects some sort of resistance, but Legolas just stares up at him, completely and utterly calm. 

Kili leans forward, snarling in his face. " _You're a liar_. You're the rightful heir of your kingdom. You could have anyone, but you chose me instead. Why? I'm never going to inherit the throne. I can't even give you heirs. And we both know I'm damaged and ruined. So what do you get from this farce of a marriage?"

Legolas doesn't respond at first. He reaches up instead, brushing his fingers over his cheek and it occurs to Kili that he's crying. There are tears streaming down his face and his chest is heaving. Quickly, he covers his mouth with a hand to stifle the sounds, but it's like the past three years of his pent up emotions are spilling out and he just sobs harder. Ashamed of himself, Kili presses his face down against Legolas' neck, who draws him closer and kisses his temple, murmuring softly into his hair. 

Kili shivers at the feeling of breath against his ear and squeezes his eyes shut. There's a hand on his hip and then his waist, gently pulling him down so that he and Legolas are laying side by side on the bed. Kili can do little else but keep crying, barely listening as Legolas speaks soothing words, both in a language he understands and what he assumes is Elvish. But this time it doesn't sound anything like it did in a cold dark cell, frightening and terrible, spoken on the tongue of strangers. This is different. It's like a caress, warm and gentle, and while Kili can't understand the words, he can understand the sentiment behind them. He feels safe and cherished, which somehow makes it even worse. 

By the time Kili has run out of tears to cry, he's exhausted and his eyes feel hot and heavy. No doubt his face is red and splotchy as well, but Legolas keeps running his fingers through his hair and doesn't say anything about it. 

Later, Kili will deny ever doing so, but his hand moves on its volition and rests carefully over the curve of Legolas' jaw. The skin against his palm is smooth and very soft. Kili sweeps his fingertips over his cheek out of curiosity and startles when Legolas breathes a heavy sigh. He almost jerks back in surprise, but Legolas catches his hand and places it back on his face. 

It only serves to remind Kili of how closely they’re pressed against each other and his heart leaps in his chest. 

“You still haven’t answered," Kili says. He licks his lips and gets a thrill at the way Legolas' eyes flicker to his mouth. "About what you want from this marriage. From me.”

Legolas slowly drags his eyes away from Kili's lips, like doing so takes tremendous effort. "I want to establish peace between our people," he says. 

Kili nods, because he knows that's partly true. "But it's not just that, is it?"

"The only thing I want from you, you won't give me," Legolas admits softly. "And I will learn to accept it. In time."

He blushes as Legolas wraps his arms around him and drags him closer. "Legolas--"

“Sleep now, Kili." He kisses his forehead. “I promise I won't do anything.”

He knows better than to stay. Someone is sure to find them like this and he can only imagine what people will think of them spending the night together. But he’s tired and warm and the steady drum of Legolas' heartbeat is a comfort. At last, Kili burrows closer to him and, within moments, is fast asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to take a moment and thank everyone who is still reading this fic. I appreciate all the kudos and kind comments, which continue to encourage and inspire me to keep going with this story. Although times are hard and I've been very busy, it's thanks to all of you that I've been able to keep going. I also hope to have the next chapter posted soon.
> 
> I love all of you!


	6. Chapter 6

It always takes an eternity for Kili to wake up in the morning. Fili teases him about it, saying it's the best time to pull pranks or get him to do a favor, because his brain is too sluggish and slow to make sense of anything. So for a moment, Kili is confused, staring at the face in the front of him and wondering how it got there. Then he remembers the events of the night before and wants to die of embarrassment. 

As his thoughts gain a little more coherency, Kili is suddenly very aware of the legs tangled with his and and the hand resting gently on his hip. His own hand is still on Legolas' face and he quickly snatches it away when he realizes Legolas is staring at him. "Sorry," he mutters, self-conscious. 

Legolas doesn't answer and Kili frowns. He's about to say something mean and biting, but then notices the blankness in his eyes. For a moment, he has a terrible fear that Legolas _died_ , but fortunately finds him still breathing. Curious despite himself, Kili waves a hand in his face. 

No response. 

He tries poking his cheek. 

Still nothing. 

He tugs on his nose and even trails his fingers down his face, but Legolas doesn't even so much as blink. 

Apparently, it's an elvish thing to sleep with their eyes open. Creepy. 

Kili starts squirming, trying to maneuver out of bed without Legolas noticing. He almost succeeds until Legolas makes a soft noise and reaches for him. "Stay," he begs quietly.

Amused with the sleep talking on top of everything else, Kili leans down and -out of some impulse he never knew was there- kisses his cheek. "Go back to sleep," he whispers and grins when Legolas sighs. Maybe Kili is still asleep himself, because his fingers itch with the sudden urge to touch Legolas' long hair, but he needs to leave now if he wants to avoid any of the servants seeing him. It occurs to him that Legolas must have taken his boots off after he fell asleep because his feet are bare, so he takes a moment to hunt them down. When Kili manages to grab them, he slips them on and sneaks out of the room. 

It's still early in the morning and the servants are busy preparing for the rest of the day, so Kili makes it back to his quarters without running into anyone. Once he's safe, he strips down to his trousers and falls asleep again in his own bed. Sadly, he's only able to doze for a little while before Fili bursts in, who yanks at the blankets and laughs when Kili swats at him half-heartedly.

"Let me sleep, you big oaf," he grumbles. 

"Come on. Get up," Fili says, completely unrepentant. "Thorin said the other dwarf clans are arriving today and we need to be ready."

Kili shoves him off the bed and laughs as he yelps in pain. Fili shoots to his feet, rubbing irritably at his abused backside, when he catches sight of his face. Kili tenses at his sudden change of expression and rolls out of bed, grabbing some clean clothes and dressing quickly. 

Unfortunately, not as fast as he hoped. "Were you crying?" Fili demands and Kili's fingers still on the ties of his tunic.

"No," he lies, after a beat of silence. He goes into the other room to wash up and ignores Fili, who leans against the doorway and frowns at him. "I wasn't."

Fili is clearly unconvinced. "Did Legolas do something?" he asks.

As much as Kili appreciates his brother looking out for him, he's rather offended on Legolas' behalf. The elf may be many things, but he doesn't deserve to be accused of whatever Fili thinks he might have done. Besides, Kili is more than capable of taking care of himself, thank you very much. 

"He didn't do anything," he says and that's the truth. 

Fili still looks worried, but thankfully he doesn't press the issue. They head to the throne room to meet Thorin, not speaking a word to each other, when two very familiar faces round the corner. Before Kili's brain has time to catch up with the rest of his body, he's already moving, running forward and scooping the smaller figure up in his arms. "Bilbo!"

Bilbo squeaks and clutches at him as he spins them around. Fili laughs and wraps his arms around them both, squeezing so tight Kili's ribs creak in protest. But he's too happy to care, because he was so sure, when Bilbo left all those years ago, he would never see the little hobbit again. And yet here he is, with Gandalf no less, and Kili grins at the wizard over a head of messy curls. 

Gandalf smiles back. "Fili, Kili. It's good to see you again. And I do believe congratulations are in order." He looks at Kili then, his eyes sharp and very keen beneath the brim of his grey hat. "Both of you, it seems."

Kili wonders if Gandalf approves of his decision to marry Legolas. He hopes he does. He's always liked Gandalf and his opinion matters a lot to him, but he's not sure if he would be brave enough to ask 

"It's been too long since we saw you last," Fili tells them and Bilbo smiles crookedly, shuffling his feet. 

"I didn't think I would be welcome," he answers honestly and, really, Kili can't blame him. Thorin had been furious with what happened to the Arkenstone. But, after the battle, Thorin realized there were more important things than a glowing jewel and hoarded gold. It was a relief to everyone, because when the Arkenstone was returned to its rightful place among their people, the gold sickness had eased its hold over Thorin. And he proved to be the good and just king everyone knew he was. 

Kili pulls away to ruffle Bilbo's hair. "That's all in the past and we've forgiven you," he says and smiles kindly at him. "Besides, you have and always will be a dear friend."

Bilbo stares at him, as if impressed by Kili's sudden maturity and startled to find he is impressed. "You've grown up." He pauses and shakes his head. "I mean-- You've changed a lot."

He shrugs, not really sure how to reply to that, because hadn't Legolas said the same thing? "It was bound to happen sooner or later," he tries to joke. 

Gandalf and Bilbo glance at each other. "I am quite famished," Gandalf declares suddenly and turns to Fili. "Would you care to escort an old man to breakfast?"

Fili seems reluctant to leave, but he can't turn down Gandalf anymore than Kili could. Kili forces a smile when his brother glances at him and watches Fili lead Gandalf away before turning back to Bilbo, who is staring at him again. 

"I was worried about you," Bilbo says. 

Kili blinks, because he hadn't been expecting that. "What for?"

Bilbo frowns and quickly makes sure they're alone before whispering, "Everything that happened in Mirkwood."

"Oh." He almost wishes Bilbo had punched him instead, which might have hurt less. And as much as he appreciates Bilbo's concern, the last thing Kili wants to do is think about it, not so soon after last night. "That was a long time ago," he says, for lack of anything better to say.

"I know," Bilbo says. Kili would laugh at the absurdity of it, because, no, he really doesn't, when he adds, "Still, I'm happy for you. The elven prince seems very kind." 

Kili thinks of that morning and waking up next to Legolas, before pressing his fingers against his mouth when he realizes, _I_ kissed _him_.


	7. Chapter 7

Breakfast is an awkward affair and Kili spends the entirety of it ignoring the concern on Fili and Dis' faces. Instead, he turns all of his attention to Gandalf, who always has the best stories to tell, although every once in a while he catches Legolas staring at him. Kili finds it unnerving and thinks about saying so, but then remembers he _kissed him_ and quickly looks away.

He knows he's being silly and that a kiss on the cheek shouldn't be a big deal, but Kili feels as if something has changed between them. Something important, something significant, and that terrifies him more than anything else. It's so much safer to lose himself in Gandalf's grand old tales rather than give any thought about it what might mean. He almost thinks he might even get away with it too, until a foot nudges between his own beneath the table. 

Kili bites hard at his lip to keep from yelping aloud and his gaze snaps over to Legolas, who is picking innocently at his plate. Or it would be innocent, if it wasn't for the amusement twinkling in his eyes. 

As someone who can never down turn down a challenge, Kili retaliates by hooking his ankles around Legolas' leg and trapping it between his own. Legolas raises an eyebrow and Kili mimics him, trying not to give himself away with a smile. 

Gandalf clears his throat and they yank their feet away from each other, suddenly embarrassed and feeling rather guilty. Kili looks at Gandalf, who is staring at them with a fond sort of exasperation. "It seems like the two of you are getting along," he says in a knowing way. 

And then the most amazing thing happens. A pink tint rises from beneath Legolas' collar, up his neck and face, all the way to the roots of his hair. Kili's jaw nearly drops, because Legolas -for lack of a better word- is _blushing_. Gandalf seems mighty pleased about it and winks at Kili. As a prankster, he wants nothing more than to continue teasing Legolas, to see more of that blush. But then breakfast is over and Kili is snatched away to help prepare for the arrival of the clans.

Which, of course, means that he now has to endure being completely overlooked by the delegates, being a lesser prince and already promised. And it shouldn't bother him (which it doesn't, he tells himself, it doesn't) but it's strange when some of his previous suitors -those who nearly fell over themselves trying to court him- stare straight through him, like he's not even there. 

Fortunately, not all of them are like that and Kili grins when Lady Tes, who is even lovelier than he remembers, winks at him. "Congratulations on your engagement, Lord Kili," she says, her voice warm and sincere.

A part of him almost wishes he could have loved her. Her lush, dark beard and her pretty brown eyes aside, she's sharper than a knife and may be even more mischievous than he is. And when he flinched away after she tried to kiss him, she didn't laugh or get upset. Instead, she had smiled reassuringly and apologized, even when it wasn't her fault. 

"Thank you," he says in response to her congratulations and finds that he means it. 

A gentle expression crosses her face and before he can make sense of it, Tes stands on the tips of her toes to kiss his cheek. "Don't worry," she tells him, "The elves are going to love you as much as I do."

Stunned, Kili stares after her as she walks away, almost not noticing the presence behind him until a mocking voice speaks up. "Yes, my lord. Congratulations on your engagement to the elf."

Kili stills and fights to keep his face calmly indifferent as he turns around. "His name is Legolas, Lord Niro," he says as regally as he can. "And as the prince of Greenwood, you are to show him the proper respect."

Lord Niro was the first of Kili's many suitors, a grudgingly handsome dwarf, with a big nose and stocky build. But, regardless of his appearance, Kili despises him more than he ever thought himself capable of hating anyone. Maybe in the beginning, he had been delighted someone so attractive was interested in him. Kili didn’t love him. of course, but he liked the attention and chose to overlook what he now realizes were warning signs. Little things -like teasing Kili for his modest beard and lean frame- quickly became more and more cruel when Niro mocked Kili's opinions and treated him like an idiot. Sometimes he would even grab Kili from behind and laugh when he cringed away. He got angry every time Kili turned down his attempts to kiss him. But worst of all were the horrible things that came out of his mouth when Kili refused him, after he tried to force his way into his bed.

“It’s not like anyone would _want_ to fuck you,” Niro said viciously. “With a face like that, was your father even a dwarf?”

Kili doesn’t remember much of what happened after, but when he was aware of himself again, Niro was bleeding, shouting about how he would tell Thorin. “Go ahead,” he snarled back, clenching his bloody fists. “And I will tell the king how you insulted his family and assaulted a prince of Erebor. Go on. _I dare you_.”

Deep down, Kili wishes he had told Thorin anyway, but the shame of it to happen _twice_ \-- No. Kili will carry that secret to his grave. Still, it doesn't change the fact he wants nothing more than to wipe that smug look off Niro's face for the way he's looking at Kili now. 

Niro suddenly grabs his hand in what might look like a friendly handshake to anyone watching, if it wasn't for the way his grip tightens so hard Kili thinks his fingers will break. “The two of you suit each other,” Niro says, falsely polite.

Kili squeezes his hand just as hard, digging in his nails and baring his teeth. “And what a blessing it is. To think, I could have married _you_ instead.”

Something dark flashes in Niro's eyes, but Kili just smiles sweetly as he pulls away. Let him complain to Thorin, he doesn't care. With that, Kili leaves the room and wanders off with no real set destination in mind. His fingers itch with the need to clutch his bow, to fire arrows until his frustrations are buried and he can forget them for a time. But there's the possibility that he might run into Legolas there, which scares him more than he's willing to admit. Kili just isn't sure what to make of how jumbled and conflicted his feelings get when they're together, so it's easier to not think of it at all.

Distracted with his own musings, Kili nearly collides headfirst into Gandalf, who steps out of the library carrying a stack of books in his arms. There's a horrible moment when the books almost spill to the floor, but Gandalf keeps a firm grip of them and they both breathe a sigh of relief. Gandalf shoots Kili an irritated look and he braces himself for a reprimand that will leave him smarting for weeks, when the wizard stops, puzzled. "Aren't you supposed to be welcoming the envoys from the other clans?"

Kili feigns nonchalance and shrugs. "I left early," he says, as if that's a reasonable explanation. Judging by the way Gandalf frowns at him, it's not very convincing. But that's nothing compared to the knowledge that Thorin is going to kill him for leaving.

Gandalf shakes his head and hands him some of the books, saying, "Well, if you have nothing better to do, you can help me carry these."

It takes everything Kili has not to roll his eyes at him. Gandalf acts like a feeble old man sometimes, but he's probably the most powerful being in Middle Earth. Still, Kili takes his half of the pile without argument and follows Gandalf to his rooms. He tries to think of something to say, but only one thought comes to mind and he doesn't know how to bring that up without embarrassing himself. When they reach the door and Gandalf moves to take the books from him, Kili opens his mouth to speak, but the words trap themselves in his throat. Gandalf stops, studying Kili for a long moment.

"My dear boy, you are without a doubt the most foolish dwarf I have ever known for agreeing to this," he says and Kili feels his heart plummet. "But if there is anyone who could ever make this work, I know for sure that it would be you." 

Kili grins, relieved. The verbal jab aside, it's more than he could ever ask for and he is grateful for it. "Thank you, Gandalf," he says and means it. 


	8. Chapter 8

As the day of Fili's wedding approaches, the entire palace spirals further and further into chaos. Kili always knew that a lot of work went into preparing for such an event, but he never realized the true extent of it. The servants scurry frantically from place to place as Dis commands them, so fiercely that Kili worries they might start crying. (But the worst part is he can't even sneak down into the kitchens for a snack. When he tries, the cook takes one look at him and wields her ladle like a sword, which would actually be quite impressive if it wasn't so terrifying.) Still, she's not as bad as Thorin, who is always angry, and Fili, who constantly looks strained, like a bowstring that might snap at any moment.

It's stressful and exhausting to watch, even though Kili doesn't even have to _do_ anything. He can only imagine how chaotic things will get for his own wedding and he isn't looking forward to it. At all. 

On the morning of the wedding, he and Gimli are hiding out in his rooms, and they both glance up when they hear footsteps run past, followed quickly by shouting. 

"Gimli, don't ever get married," Kili says and his cousin grunts in agreement. 

Suddenly there's a knock at the door, followed by his mother's voice. "Kili? Do you have a moment?"

Kili hurries to open it for her, who is looking as beautiful as ever in robes with a fine fur trim, holding a thin wooden box. It makes him feel slightly insecure, because the only resemblance they have is their dark hair. Not to mention how silly he feels dressed as he is, like he's trying too hard to impress, and starts to tug nervously at his collar. 

"Stop that," Dis scolds him, slapping his fingers away and straightening his clothes. She glances at Gimli and smiles. "Good morning, Gimli."

Gimli ducks his head, looking rather sheepish, and Kili rolls his eyes at him. "Good morning, my lady." He slides off the bed and heads to the door. "I had better go before my father comes looking for me as well. Lady Dis, Kili."

"Get out of here," Kili says irritably, but without any real heat. Gimli grins and bumps against him before leaving the room. 

Dis shakes her head with amusement and sits him down in front of the mirror, before frowning at him. "Did you even _try_ braiding your hair?" she asks, gently running her fingers through his dark strands.

Kili shrugs, because it's pretty obvious what the answer will be. "It'll fall out anyway," he says, "What's the point?"

"You are a prince of Erebor," Dis says, as if she's speaking to a small child. She's being telling him that since he _was_ a small child, come to think of it. "And you need to look presentable, especially on such an important day." She finishes braiding his hair and opens the wooden box, placing a circlet of mithril and sapphires carefully on his head. 

Amazed by it's beauty, Kili reaches up to touch it, but his hand drops when he sees himself in the mirror with it on. He stares long and hard at his reflection, feeling his heart sink. He doesn't suit something so lovely.

Dis frowns at his expression. But before she can say anything about it, she is interrupted by a knock at the door. "Come in," Kili says. 

A servant steps into the room, bowing low. "Lord Kili, excuse the intrusion, but Lord Legolas has requested you visit him in his rooms."

"I'll be right there," Kili replies, although he's rather confused. What could Legolas want?

As the servant leaves the room, there's a concerned expression on Dis' face. "Does he usually call on you like that?" she asks.

It takes a moment for Kili to make sense of what she's implying, but when he does he flushes with embarrassment. "No, Mother!" 

"If he tries to do something you don't feel comfortable with--" Dis begins and Kili is _not_ going to have this conversation with his mother. He's not.

"I need to go," he says, hurrying to the door. "And you need to stop worrying about whatever you're worried about." 

To be honest, Kili isn't sure what is worse, the fact that his mother is worried about him being taken advantage of, or that she actually believes Legolas is capable of forcing him to do anything. Both are equally unpleasant. 

"I may not be as young as I used to be," Dis calls as he makes his escape. "But I'm still very skilled with a blade."

\--

"My mother thinks you're taking advantage of me," Kili tells Legolas when he opens the door for him. "And she might lunge at you with a sword the next time you see her."

Legolas considers this for a moment before nodding. "Then I'll be sure to stand behind you when she does," he says. "I might have a better chance of survival that way."

Kili grins as Legolas tilts his head to one side, amusement in his eyes. It's strange that some time ago he would have been too hesitant to joke with Legolas like this. And yet here they are, discussing his mother's protectiveness with such familiarity, like they're old friends. It's amazing, really.

"So what is it you needed?" Kili asks, stepping further into the room. 

Legolas looks him over and Kili fidgets under the scrutiny. He's dressed in his very best clothes, dark blues and furs befitting a dwarf prince, but he still feels inadequate compared to Legolas. Legolas, who looks like a true prince, wearing silk garments of green and silver. His long hair is swept back and a thin crown of mithril and gold -weaved together like vines- rests above his brow. 

To put it simply, he looks magnificent. 

If Legolas notices Kili's blatant staring, he makes no indication of it, which Kili is grateful for. Instead he beckons Kili closer. "I have something for you. Hold out your hand."

Kili does so, more out of surprise than anything else. He doesn't know what kind of present Legolas would want to give him on his brother's wedding day, but Kili isn't one to decline gifts. He blinks, taken aback when Legolas holds his wrist and places two mithril beads in his palm. 

"I understand it's a custom to offer these before marriage," Legolas says as Kili stares, first at the beads and then at him. "And I am sorry. I would have done this sooner if I had known."

Kili can't blame him really. It's not a practice they discuss with other races, least of all elves. But perhaps this was another way to mend the distance between their people, although it still makes him nervous. Not in a bad way, of course, but in a happy and exciting but absolutely terrifying sort of way. 

Legolas looks a little unsure himself, but takes one of the beads and leans down to braid it in Kili's hair. Once finished, Legolas carefully tucks it behind his ear, as if giving Kili the chance to hide it if he wants to. As if Kili would do such a thing.

Maybe that's why Kili moves behind him and, taking two locks of hair at Legolas's temples, braids them and connects the ends with the bead. It's both a reassurance and a promise.

When he pulls away, Legolas straightens and touches his hair gently with his fingertips, something like wonder shining in his eyes. "Thank you," he says, smiling softly.

What a strange elf he is, to thank _Kili_ when it should be the other way around. It fills Kili with the sudden urge to kiss him and he is startled with the strangeness of that thought. So, instead, he takes Legolas' hand in his and leads him to the door. "Come on," he says, "If we're late, Fili will never let me hear the end of it."

Legolas nods, still smiling, and follows.


	9. Chapter 9

Fili is usually so calm and composed about everything. So to see him as terrified as he is now, during his own wedding, makes Kili all the more determined to tease him about it for the rest of their lives. 

Although, to be fair it's really not that noticeable. It's only because Kili is his brother and knows him as well as he does that he can tell at all. Besides, the teasing aside, even Kili has to admit that Fili, dressed in robes of red and gold, with a gold crown and jewels braided in his beard, is as majestic and regal as any king. And when Fili smiles, holding Lae's hands in his, Kili has never seen him more happy. 

Throughout the ceremony, Kili finds himself constantly reaching up to play with the mithril bead Legolas braided in his hair, wondering if he will ever be as happy. After all, up until this point the engagement has never been that real to him. He was always aware he would be marrying Legolas, of course, but it's one thing to know and another to _know_. And the bead just serves as a reminder that Kili is marrying someone several hundred years older than he is. Someone he may never truly understand.

Kili would be lying if he said he wasn't scared about it, but, then again, Kili has always been a brilliant liar. That's probably the only reason the anxiety he feels doesn't show on his face as he celebrates with the rest of his family. After all, this is a very important day for Fili, and the last thing he wants to do is ruin it. So Kili eats and drinks and laughs. He teases his brother and his new sister-in-law, who are both beaming with joy, and pretends nothing is the matter.  

But when Kili touches the hair bead again, he feels a flutter of trepidation and excitement when he notices Legolas smiling at him across the table. It's so embarrassing that he quickly turns to Bilbo, who is fiddling with something in his pocket. He thinks he sees a glint of gold for a moment, but it's gone as quickly as it appears. 

"Are you having a good time?" Kili asks him. 

Bilbo startles like a spooked animal and yanks his hand out of his pocket. "Pardon?"

Kili repeats himself and adds, "I'm sure our kind of weddings are very different than what you're used to."

Bilbo laughs shakily. "It's really not that different. Hobbit weddings are all about good food and singing and dancing. Much like this." He pauses. "Although I do remember Gandalf setting off his fireworks for some of the ones in the Shire."

"I wish we could have some here," Kili says and feels rather disappointed about it.

"I did offer," Gandalf says from the other side of him, biting into a small cake made of dried fruit and honey. "But Thorin protested against it."

Which is really just as well, because Kili doubts anyone would enjoy having the tunnels of Erebor collapse because of a few fireworks, but he still would have liked to see some anyway. "Will you bring fireworks for my wedding?" he asks. He regrets it immediately, because Bilbo and Gandalf are looking at him with surprise. 

At first he's annoyed about it, because there's no reason for them to stare at him like that. But then it occurs to him that it's the first time he's ever brought up the wedding to either of them, and never in a positive light. The realization has his insides twisting and Kili mutters some excuse before fleeing the table. 

But he really has nowhere to go, not without concerning his family anyway, so he heads to the dance floor instead. He claps his hands and stomps his feet and spins around until he's dizzy, the faces of his dancing partners blurring together as he changes them after each song. He laughs as Gimli dances with Lady Tes, who doesn't seem to mind how his cousin blushes and won't meet her eyes. But when Kili sees Fili dancing with Dis while Lae dances with her father, Lord Erai, and the nerves are suddenly back again.

He pulls away from his dance partner without so much as an apology and sits down on a bench in the farthest corner of the hall, hidden slightly by a wall. Kili only chose the spot at all to keep to himself for a little while, because the last thing he wants right now is to talk to anyone, but unfortunately that's when Lord Niro makes his way over and sits down next to him. 

Kili frowns. "What do you want?"

Niro snorts in amusement. "That's rather harsh, isn't it? What would your Uncle Thorin say if he knew how inhospitable you're being?"

Kili clenches his fists. "You are being disrespectful to your _king_ ," he snaps.

Niro just smirks. Without warning, he rests his hand on Kili's knee and laughs when he jerks away. "Don't be shy now," he says. "I heard about the night you spent with the elf."

Kili freezes and is too shocked to push Niro's hand away when it drops back down on his knee. How could he possibly know about that?

"Oh please," Niro says, grinning at the expression on his face. "You'd be surprised by what the servants see and how easy it is to get them talking about it."

Kili feels sick. If he was younger and more naive, he might have protested, insisting that nothing happened that night. But he's old enough now to know that it doesn't matter. People will draw their own conclusions and the scandal of it will make things difficult for Thorin. 

Kili glances around the room, wanting someone to save him from this situation. But he can't find a familiar face among the sea of strangers. He can barely even think straight as Niro presses his leg against his own. "How about this," he says, pretending to be kind, as if his very words aren't making Kili's skin crawl, "I promise not to tell Thorin about what happened if you do something for me."

There's a horrible taste in his mouth and Kili wants to run to the baths to wash away the disgusting feeling of Niro touching him. "Are you threatening me?" he asks, his temper rising until he is _furious_.

"Come to my rooms tonight and you'll find out," Niro says, his hand trailing up Kili's thigh. "You can think of it as an early wedding gift."

Kili grabs his fingers, squeezing hard in warning. " _Don't touch me_."

A flash of green and gold catches his attention and his blood turns cold when he realizes it's Legolas. He must have been looking for him, which makes him feel awful about hiding and getting caught in a situation like this. When Legolas notices Niro's close proximity, it only makes him feels worse, but what really gets to him is how he's never seen Legolas look so angry before. It frightens him a little.  

Niro leans closer, his breath hot against Kili's ear, "They're disgusting creatures. You must have been very desperate to bed something that hideous."

Before Kili is aware of himself, he's already moving. The snap of bone echoes in the suddenly silent hall as everyone stares at the scene. Niro is pinned to the floor, shrieking as Kili wrenches his arm back, but he doesn't spare him a glance. Instead he looks at his friends and his family, all frozen with shock.  

Kili startles when a pair of hands cover his own, and he's not entirely sure if he's relieved or not to find that it's Legolas. Legolas, who gently tugs at his hands. Legolas, who doesn't look angry anymore, just tired and very resigned. 

"It's all right now, Kili," he says softly. "You can let go." 

Slowly, Kili does as he's told and only moves away when Niro slumps like a broken doll.


	10. Chapter 10

"Do you have any idea what you've done?" Thorin's voice is hard and furious, but underneath the anger there's disappointment too, and that hurts more than any physical blow.

Kili swallows and looks down, ashamed. He can't bear to meet Thorin's eyes, or anyone else in the room for that matter. Not his mother or Fili, and especially not Thranduil or Legolas, although he's not entirely sure why they're even there. But he's away from the other guests and he's grateful for that small mercy at least. 

"According to the healers Lord Niro's arm is broken, but he'll recover," Dis says softly and Kili bites his lip. She sounds disappointed with him too. 

"You know as well as I do that Kili would never hurt someone unless he had a good reason to," Fili protests, which makes Kili all the more miserable. His brother should be enjoying his wedding night with his new bride, not defending him for attacking a lord. 

"And Kili should know that this isn't Ered Luin," Thorin says. "The lords and ladies of court are all very influential and we need their support, not start fights with them for a remark gone awry."

Kili frowns at his boots. He wants to tell them the truth, that it was more than just words Lord Niro had insulted him with, but he knows that doing so will cause more harm than good. "I'm sorry," he says instead.

Before Thorin can respond to that, Legolas -who has been observing silently- suddenly speaks up. "Kili was only defending himself," he says. Kili looks up, horrified, but Legolas stares right back at him. "Lord Niro was harassing Kili."

The room is silent for a long moment. Kili can barely breathe and his heart is beating so loud he's sure everyone else can hear it. Worst of all, his family is staring at him, making him want more than anything to run right out of the room, but he can't seem to move. 

Dis takes a step toward him and stops when he backs away from her. "Is this true, Kili?"

"This isn't the first time, is it?" Thorin asks. He doesn't look angry anymore, just tired. Sickly almost. "Niro said he broke his nose in an accident years ago, but that was you."

Kili blinks hard to keep from crying and slowly nods. "Yes." Fili presses close and Kili leans against his shoulder, drawing comfort from it.

Thorin sighs like a weary old man and asks, "Was he the only one?" His eyes harden as he studies Kili. "Has there been anyone else who has tried to force themselves on you?"

At those words, Thorin's gaze turns to Legolas and Kili feels insulted on his behalf. Legolas may be strange, that much was certain, but he doesn't deserve to have his honor questioned, when he's only ever been kind to him. "Of course not," Kili says.

"There was one other incident," a cool voice interrupts and Kili freezes. 

No. _No_. 

Thranduil looks at him calmly, as if he isn't about to share the secret Kili has been hiding all these years. "Some of my guards acted against my direct orders," he says. "Fortunately, Legolas was able to stop them before things escalated and they were punished accordingly."

Dis makes an outraged noise, demanding, "And you never mentioned it before?"

"I thought you would have already known about it," Thranduil replies patiently. "It never occurred to me that he would keep it a secret from the rest of you."

The expression on Thorin's face is one filled with anger and contempt. "We're calling off the engagement," he says.

"You can't," Kili bursts out. Everyone turns to stare at him and he clenches his fists. "What happened to me wasn't Legolas' fault. He helped me, even when he didn't have to." He glances at Legolas, who is watching him, head tilted to one side. "But the marriage is too important for our people and theirs. We have to do this."

"We will still have an alliance," Thorin starts to say but Kili laughs hollowly. 

There has been many alliances between their people and the elves before, but they fell apart because there wasn't anything to tie them together when bad things happened. He says as much and even though Thorin looks troubled, he doesn't protest.

"I will deal with Niro," he says instead and dismisses them, firmly ending the conversation. 

Fili claps a hand on Kili's shoulder and Dis kisses his cheek, both promising to talk to him when they can before leaving the room. Kili makes to follow, but he glances back and sees Thranduil speaking to Thorin, their voices low and quiet. It seems horribly intimate, and Kili still can't figure out why they just don't marry each other, the issue of heirs be damned. 

Shaking his head, Kili moves to the door and realizes Legolas is there waiting for him. He scowls and walks straight past him, barely even glancing in his direction when Legolas falls into step at his side. When they reach his rooms, he has every intention of slamming the door in his face, but Legolas catches it before he can. 

"Let go," Kili snarls, trying to wrench the door free. " _Let go._ "

Legolas tightens his grip. "You're angry with me," he says slowly, as if surprised. "Why?"

Kili's eyes sting with tears, but he refuses to cry. "You told them."

The look Legolas gives him is careful and considering. "They deserved to know."

"Nobody asked you!" Kili screams. Before he can even blink, he's suddenly being shoved back into his room and Legolas shuts the door behind him. "Get out!"

"Not until you listen to me," Legolas says. 

Kili spins away and sits down on the bed, holding his head in his hands. "I _hate_ you."

Legolas inhales sharply and Kili glances up at him, catching a glimpse of something like pain in his eyes before his expression shutters closed. "I'm sorry for telling your family," he says. "But now that they know, it may help you to heal from what you've been through."

"It doesn't change the fact that I'm damaged goods," Kili says, laughing shakily. Damaged and ugly and a disgrace to his family. He is somebody no one in their right mind would ever want. Angry with himself and tormented with self hatred, Kili reaches up and grabs Legolas by the collar, pulling him down to press their lips together. 

He's never kissed anyone before. Legolas is his first. The thought makes Kili draw him closer, running his hands down his chest and holding his waist. He nips at Legolas' mouth, feeling him tremble beneath his hands. _I did that_ , he thinks, dizzy with the realization. _I make him feel this way_. Braver now, his fingers yank at Legolas' clothes until his tunic is pulled free and he starts to work on the ties of his trousers.

But a strong grip on his wrists stops him. "That's enough, Kili," Legolas says.  

Kili jerks away as if burnt. _Of course_ , he thinks to himself bitterly, _he doesn't want me. No one could ever--_

Then Legolas makes a wounded noise and leans down to kiss him, gently parting his lips and licking his way inside. Kili whimpers and tugs at his trapped wrists, his head spinning with the heat and taste. His skin feels like it's on fire and he's shaking, wanting Legolas both to stop and for this kiss to never end. 

Eventually, Legolas pulls away, the both of them having to gasp for breath. "Forgive me," Legolas murmurs against his mouth. 

Kili, still struggling to remember how to breathe, stares at him. "What for?"

There's something soft and warm in Legolas's gaze and it makes him blush despite himself. Kili glances away but startles when his wrists are released and cool fingers touch the corner of his mouth. His eyes flicker back to Legolas, who smiles gently. "I wanted to wait," he says, "I wanted you to love me before we did this."

At first, Kili thinks that Legolas might be mocking him, but his expression is too sincere to be anything but the truth. "Why?"

Sighing, Legolas runs his fingers through his hair. "I know you're only marrying me for the alliance," he says and Kili squirms, feeling guilty all of a sudden. "But you caught my attention ever since I saw you fend off those guards in the dungeons. Perhaps even before." He pauses, as if choosing his words carefully. "And I thought that, maybe, we could learn to fall in love with each other."

How is he supposed to respond to that? Kili is quiet for a long moment before admitting honestly, "I might never fall in love with you."

Legolas closes his eyes and leans in, trailing kisses down Kili's face to his throat. The sensation is both terrible and wonderful all at once and Kili has to bite his lip to keep from making a sound, has to clench his fists tight to keep from reaching out to touch. "Yes. I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a little late with this chapter, but Call It Anything But Love is now officially a month old and I want to thank all of you for your support and encouragement. When I started writing about this pairing, I never thought it'd get the recognition that it has or be so welcomed by the fandom. It's become my most popular story, which I find absolutely amazing.
> 
> Thank you so much. None of that would have been possible without you.


	11. Chapter 11

Legolas kisses him for a long time, brushing his lips over his neck and face and mouth. Kili trembles against him and can't help making a small protesting noise when Legolas pulls away. It embarrasses him, but it makes Legolas smile as he helps Kili fix his clothes with nimble and very gentle fingers. His fleeting touches barely graze his skin, but Kili still shivers and bites his lip to keep from gasping. "I had better go," Legolas says, his voice soft and apologetic.

It takes a moment for the meaning of the words to sink in. But when they do, Kili nods, realizing too late how things might become even more complicated if someone finds them together. Or, Mahal forbid, the servants babble about it to _another_ lord that might try to blackmail his family. 

Legolas pauses for a moment before leaning down to kiss Kili's cheek, and while it's a small gesture compared to the kisses he bestowed on him before, it seems a lot more meaningful. A lot like the kiss Kili gave him that night they shared a bed.

Kili stares at him. "You were awake for that?"

Legolas' eyes are warm and amused. "Not at first. Only when you touched me."

Kili blushes with embarrassment, grumbling, "You could have said something."

It makes the smile on Legolas' face widen. Before Kili knows what's happening, Legolas bends down once more and kisses him soundly on the lips. "Goodnight, Kili," he says before leaving the room slowly, like it's physically painful for him to do so. 

Kili stares as the door shuts behind him, whatever reply he might make lodged in his throat. 

\--

After that, things get a little easier. His family still give him concerned looks from time to time, but as long as no one is angry about how he completely ruined Fili's wedding, he's not going to complain too much. And all these considered, he does feel lighter now that he's not so burdened with the truth of everything that happened. 

He feels even better when Dis tells him all about how Thorin sent Niro away, but only after stripping him of his land and title. 

"Thorin banished him?" Kili asks, feeling overwhelmed and _relieved_. "But what about-…?"

Dis sees his expression and holds him close, runs her fingers through his hair as if he's a small child. "Exile was a kinder choice than execution. Although Thorin was very, very tempted." She smiles and it suddenly occurs to him that her eyes are red, like she's been crying. "You mean a lot to him, Kili."

Kili doesn't know how to respond to that, so he embraces his mother, his heart bursting with so many conflicting emotions it makes his head spin. 

\--

The morning Kili leaves for Mirkwood, the air is misty and cold. His cloak feels weighed down and heavy, much like his mood. He can't even look at Legolas, who is staring at him with concern, and thinks he might start crying when Gimli begins to shout. 

"I said I would go with him!" Gimli tries to break free from his father's grip, but Gloin's hold is firm. "I promised!"

Kili attempts what he hopes is a reassuring smile and says, "Don't worry, Gimli. I'll come back to visit. I promise."

But he has no idea how long that will be and tries not to think about it as Gimli bursts into tears. Gandalf puts a steadying hand on his cousin's shoulder while Bilbo stares at Kili, a pitying look on his face.

After Gimli eventually quiets, Dis approaches Kili and kisses both of his cheeks. He tries to stay strong and be respectable, but the thought of not seeing his mother indefinitely chokes him. Kili wraps his arms around her and rests his head against her shoulder. 

"Oh, my dear boy," she says solemnly. "I am going to miss you." 

Kili chokes out a laugh, wondering how she can act so calm when he feels like his world is crumbling around him. "I'll miss you too, mother."

She gently pulls away from him and places her hand on the side of his face. She stares at him for a long moment, as if committing his features to memory, before finally pulling away. Then she turns to Thranduil and Legolas and says, "May you have a safe journey home to Greenwood and the Valar protect you all."

Thranduil dips his head slightly in polite acknowledgment, but it's Legolas who bows back. "Thank you, my lady."

Thorin makes his way forward and Kili kisses the rings on his hands. "You have a great responsibility now, Kili," he says. "Do what you can not to disappoint me."

"I won't," Kili swears. He looks at his uncle and his king, who has never seemed more sad and tired, sickly even, than he does now. "I'll make you proud."

Thorin nods and clasps a hand on his shoulder. "Stay safe, nephew," he says softly. 

The somber affection in his voice makes Kili swallow hard, overcome with emotion. It only gets worse when Fili steps in front of him with tears in his eyes and yanks Kili into a hug. Twisting his hands in Fili's cloak, Kili hugs back as tightly as he can, not wanting to let go. 

Fili apparently feels the same way, because his smile is watery and sad. "Take care, brother."

Kili's eyes sting with tears and he blinks quickly, trying to keep them at bay. "When I come back, I better have a bunch of nieces and nephews to spoil rotten."

Fili laughs and Kili grins despite himself. "Don't even think about it, you brat."

Thorin clears his throat, prompting them to finally move away from each other. Kili mounts his pony and startles when an elf with red hair on a brown and white horse pulls up beside him. She bows to him. "I am Tauriel, my lord. I am to accompany you during this trip."

"Thank you, Tauriel," Kili replies, although he feels rather confused. She looks vaguely familiar, but he has no idea who she is or what purpose she is to serve. Is she to be his bodyguard? He glances at Legolas, but he's already leading his horse away and riding after Thranduil and his entourage. 

Not knowing what else to do, Kili follows their lead, Tauriel at his side. But he's unable to help himself and glances back at his his friends and family until they're little specks in the distances and he can't see them anymore. 

\--

As they set up camp for the night, Kili tells Tauriel that he needs a moment alone. She frowns a little, but mercifully doesn't try to follow him as he flees into the forest. He finds a quiet place away from the firelight and voices of the elves, and leans back against a tree. He looks up at the sky and stares until the moon and stars blur together. 

Kili cries and is thankful that he's been able to keep his composure until now. Because he's never been so far away from home before. There was the quest of Erebor, of course, but even then he had Thorin and Fili with him. But now he doesn't have anyone and he's afraid. Legolas hasn't even so much as looked at him since the kisses they shared in his bedroom and he doesn't know what that means. 

What has he done wrong?

Kili draws his legs to his chest, wraps his arms around them, and buries his face against his knees. He cries and cries and cries, as quietly as he can. 

And doesn't realize that the elves can hear him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who are curious, I've taken some liberties with Tauriel and her character. She and Kili probably have seen each other when Thorin and the company were captured in Mirkwood, but they hardly remember that encounter. There was also never a romance between them, regardless of whether the rumors floating around about her are true or not. However, she might become something of a friend in Kili in the coming chapters. (Legolas may or may not be jealous about that.)


	12. Chapter 12

Surprisingly enough, the journey to Mirkwood isn't as horrible as Kili thought it would be. 

The elves are a more exuberant group than Kili was made to believe. They sing constantly, whether they're riding through the woods or setting up camp, and -while he can't understand the words- he can guess what they're about based on the mood of the song. And, when Tauriel leans in to translate, he's almost always right. 

The elves dance too. They move around the campfire in strange, fluid like motions. Sometimes it's to the songs they sing, but more often than not a few of the elves will play their pipes and fiddles as the only accompaniment. Tauriel always tries to drag him into the dance, but Kili protests with a laugh, his voice still hoarse from crying every night. 

The elves also tell stories. Ancient stories of the Valar and the creation of the races and the War of the Ring. Best of all are the stories Thranduil tells, because they're usually about Thror and Thrain and Thorin. And while Kili absolutely loves it, he can't help feeling a pang of loss when he thinks about the great-grandfather and grandfather he never met, and a younger Thorin, who was as serious as ever, but with a bright eyed with curiosity and a mischievous streak that would put him and Fili to shame. 

"You're joking," Kili accuses him one night before his brain had time to catch up with his big mouth. 

But Thranduil doesn't seem offended, just amused. And maybe a little sad. "I assure you," he says in a quiet voice,  "I have never been more truthful."

Kili tugs absently on the marriage bead in his hair and turns to Legolas, who is sitting some distance away. He's been standoffish with him ever since they left Erebor. Kili wonders if he did something wrong, or maybe their marriage has finally become real to him and he's regretting his decision to marry Kili.

Unable to stand it anymore, Kili grabs Legolas when everyone is preoccupied with packing up and drags him some distance away. There are several different ways he thought of starting this conversation, but the first thing that bursts out of his mouth is, "Are you mad at me?"

Legolas blinks at him as he slowly pulls away. "What?"

"You've been avoiding me and I want to know why," Kili says and hopes he doesn't sound like he's whining. 

"I am not angry with you," Legolas insists. Which might be more reassuring if he didn't glance away as soon as the words leave his mouth. 

Kili frowns. He hates being lied to and he hates that Legolas is the one lying to him even more. He pauses to think about what he might have done to make Legolas upset with him when it clicks. "Is it Tauriel?"

Legolas stares at him like he's just uttered the Black Speech. "What?"

"Do you have feelings for her?" Kili asks, suddenly annoyed and trying to not let it show. Because what does it matter to him if Legolas does or not?

Legolas flushes from embarrassment, but also anger, which takes him aback. "And how did you come by such a conclusion?"

His tone is as cold as ice and Kili shivers despite himself. Still, he's never been one to stand down and he's not going to start now. "But I saw you looking at us," he says. A flicker of shame crosses Legolas' face and it suddenly clicks, causing Kili to stare at him in shock. "You were jealous of Tauriel?"

The redness of Legolas' cheeks darken as he blushes. "I thought I had a good reason to worry. The both of you were becoming very close and you seem to find her attractive."

Kili shrugs. Yes, Tauriel is pretty for an elf, and maybe under different circumstances he might have tried pursuing her, but he's marrying Legolas. And, as a dwarf, he will be loyal to his partner for the rest of his days. "That wouldn't have been fair to you."

"I haven't been very fair to you either," Legolas admits softly. "You're being taken away from your family and friends and everything you know. I was so afraid-- I was concerned that you would resent me for that."

Which is probably all true, but realizing that Legolas hadn't been avoiding him so much as giving him space is such a relief. He laughs and yanks him down to press their lips together. It only takes a moment for Legolas to start kissing back, his hands gently cradling his face as he deepens it.

Kili's breath hitches with the taste of him and he wraps his arms around his waist, drawing him closer. His toes curl with want when Legolas responds by backing him into the nearest tree, a leg pressing between his own.

For one wild moment, he thinks that things might escalate to something more, but then Legolas pulls away and smiles as Kili chases his lips with a fleeting kiss. "We better get back," he says, his voice startling deep and rough. 

"Now you're being unfair," Kili grumbles. 

Legolas shoots him an amused look and stands obediently still as Kili fixes his clothes and hair. His fingers linger on the marriage bead, which looks so strange to see on an elf but weirdly fitting. 

He catches his hand and kisses it. "I don't want to alarm you," Legolas starts slowly, which - _of course_ \- has Kili bracing himself for the worst. "But we might have been overheard."

Kili freezes. "What?"

"Elves have very keen eyesight and hearing," Legolas explains. "We can see and hear over long distances."

He was going to have to apologize to Tauriel for talking about her behind her back, Kili realizes and winces. He feels absolutely awful about it. But wait-- "How far of a distance?"

Legolas reaches out and grazes his thumb at the corner of his eye, where it still feels hot and puffy from crying. "Far."


	13. Chapter 13

Kili expects their return to the others to be awkward and strange. Which it is, but he's grateful no one brings up anything they may or may not have overheard. Instead, the elves sing and dance and tell stories as if nothing has changed. And it hasn't, though Tauriel does give him knowing little smiles, which he finds extremely embarrassing. But she also starts teaching him simple sentences to say in Elvish; necessary phrases to know like "Good morning" or "It's nice to meet you". That's why he doesn't realize anything is amiss when Tauriel instructs him to repeat something new until after Legolas flushes to the roots of his hair and Tauriel dissolves into a fit of roaring laughter.

After Legolas told him about how keen elvish hearing is, Kili is sure that Thranduil is going to reprimand them for their behavior, especially since Thorin would have done so for less. But he never makes any mention of it. 

When their entourage stop that night, they reach the city of Dale, rebuilt under the rule of its new king. Bard himself comes to meet them at the gates on horseback, and Kili almost fails to recognize this king from the bowman who ferried Thorin's company through the mist of Laketown. 

"Welcome, friends," Bard says to Thranduil. "I trust your business was taken care of in the Lonely Mountains."

"It was," Thranduil replies diplomatically. But Legolas tenses beside him and Kili realizes that Thranduil isn't quite as calm as he's trying to appear to be. 

Bard seems to realize this as well, because he looks almost apologetic before catching sight of Kili and smiles. "Now here is a familiar face. I'm glad to see you well, Master dwarf."

Kili frowns. He's never really forgiven Bard for using the Arkenstone as a bargaining chip against Thorin. Because yes, Thorin may have been in the wrong for withholding the treasure taken from Dale, but it was still an underhanded method to get what he wanted. And it only became worse with Thranduil joining him on the plot. Kili will never forget how the armies of men and elves lay its siege on Erebor, trapping them inside the mountain. 

As Kili's thoughts turn dark, Legolas glances fleetingly at him and then turns back to Bard. "Perhaps we might impose on your hospitality first."

Bard nods, replying calmly, "Of course." He slings his arm over Legolas' shoulder in a sort of half embrace, before turning his horse around and leading their company into the city. Kili drops his gaze to his pony's mane and tells himself it doesn't matter to him. He's not jealous. 

But the conviction rings hollow. 

\--

Dinner is an excruciating affair. 

With the homesickness he feels being separated from his family and bad memories, Kili is in even fouler of a mood. Which only becomes worse when he sees how close Bard and Legolas are. He feels petty and foolish, but he still clenches his jaw to keep from saying anything when he sees Bard put a friendly hand on Legolas' arm. 

Tauriel tries to distract him with stories of her life and tells him how, when she was still very young, she was determined to become the greatest warrior in the realm. But her father worried about her and her noble mother scoffed at the idea, so Tauriel worked that much harder to prove them wrong. Surprisingly enough, it was Legolas who helped her achieve her dream. He believed in her where everyone else doubted and she was eternally grateful for that. 

"I would follow him anywhere," Tauriel says fondly. 

Kili looks over at Legolas, who catches his eye and smiles, before quickly turning away. "He's fortunate to have your loyalty," Kili replies, trying to not sound bitter about it. 

Judging by the expression on Tauriel's face, he doesn't succeed. "My feelings aren't like that, if that's what you're worried about. Legolas is like a brother to me." Kili turns red with embarrassment, because Legolas is sure to _hear her_. But she continues, "Besides, I am already in love with someone else."

Relief bubbles up in his chest. "Really?"

Tauriel nods, her eyes bright. "You would forget yourself if you were to see her, Kili. There has and never will be anyone else like her. She is Undomiel, the Evenstar. Lady Arwen, the daughter of Lord Elrond."

Kili blinks. He had no idea Elrond had a daughter. He always assumed that the Lord of Rivendell had children, but never saw them in Rivendell. Still, Kili finds it refreshing that the elves are more openminded about relations between females. By contrast, dwarf women are repressed -by society and culture and their own circumstances- so many of them, especially those of noble birth, are forbidden to marry unless it's to bear children. Dwarf men had it a little easier. While marriage between males are not approved of, they're not discouraged either. They're just necessary.

Much like his marriage to Legolas.

Shaking his head to clear it from that somber thought, he asks, "When did you go to Rivendell?"

"Oh, a few centuries ago," Tauriel answers easily. "I was still so young and not much of a fighter. But Legolas wanted to have the very best blade forged for me, so he asked Lord Elrond about it."

Kili is slightly taken aback. Legolas keeps on surprising him and he's not entirely sure how he feels about that. "Have you gone back to her?"

Tauriel's expression crumbles a bit. "No. I've only seen her that first and only time." She looks at Kili. "But even so, she has stolen my heart and I don't think I'll ever love anyone the way I do Lady Arwen."

Kili considers this as he glances at Legolas again. Of course, Legolas is too preoccupied with his conversation with Bard, but Kili can't help but wonder, will he ever love Legolas like that?


	14. Chapter 14

The question remains there at the forefront of his mind as Kili finishes the rest of his dinner, and he feels rather guilty about it. Legolas is attractive for an elf and is someone he finds interesting. Legolas is also considerate and kind, even going out of his way to make Kili feel at ease when they are intimate, when he could easily take him by force. Although Kili isn't sure if what he feels for Legolas is love exactly, surely it can be nothing else. After all, they are to be married. And Kili's parents and Fili's marriage are prime examples that love can be born in an arranged marriage. 

So what is wrong with him? Why does he still feel so hesitant?

Those thoughts continue to weigh heavily on his heart even as he pays his respects to Bard (and if he frowns when Bard pulls Legolas into a hug, then that's his own business). Kili tries not to think about it too much as he bids goodnight to Thranduil and Tauriel, trailing after Legolas as he leads him to the guest rooms. He sneaks a look at Legolas as they walk together, still contemplating what the answer to that question is, and flushes when he is caught staring. 

Legolas' eyes twinkle with amusement, which flusters him even more. But all he says is, "I am glad you and Tauriel are getting along so well."

Kili ducks his head sheepishly, although he can't help grinning despite himself. Tauriel is a strange elf, to be sure, but she is like the sister he never had. If Fili was here, he would have adored her. But thinking of his brother and the family he's left behind makes Kili's heart ache with longing. And even though he swore to himself that he wouldn't cry anymore, he can already feel the tell tale stinging of tears. 

Legolas draws him into his arms and gently runs his hands down his back. It makes Kili feel so young and foolish, even as he twists his fingers in the silk of Legolas' tunic and grips tightly. Legolas continues to hold him as he cries, whispering soft words against his hair, both in the common tongue and in Elvish. 

When Kili is composed enough, he pulls away, although his face is flushed and eyes still blurry with tears. "You must think me so childish," he says, sniffling slightly.

"I am much older than you are," Legolas replies patiently. His fingers brush back Kili's fringe from his brow. 

 _That's not a proper answer_ , Kili thinks. He wipes at his face with his sleeve, ignoring the handkerchief Legolas offers him and scowls. "Is that why you prefer Bard's company to mine?" Legolas blinks and the words suddenly tumble out, unable to stop himself. "Since we got here, the two of you spend so much time with each other. And he keeps _touching you_. I don't like it."

Legolas stares at him for so long, Kili starts to squirm under his gaze and wonders if he's disappointed in him for being so unreasonable. He considers apologizing, even though there's really nothing for him to apologize _for,_  when Legolas reaches out and kisses him so deeply it makes his head spin. 

"You are ridiculous," he says when Kili draws back to catch his breath. "Bard is a comrade and a good friend, but nothing more. There is nothing for you to worry about."

"I know." And he does. Kili presses the back of his hand against his tingling lips, upset with himself for being so jealous and petty. Because Legolas and Bard fought together in the battle all those years ago. Of course they were close. And yet seeing how companionable they are with each other, the casual touches and easy smiles between them, makes him irrationally angry. 

Before his thoughts can dwell too long on it though, Legolas kisses him again and then leans down to press their foreheads together. "But I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, so I will discuss it with him."

Kili averts his eyes as he nods, only glancing up when Legolas' fingertips brush against his jaw. 

"Goodnight, Kili," Legolas says with a soft smile and is gone, disappearing into his room long before Kili even thinks about replying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little short, but something significant for Legolas and Kili's relationship happens in the next one, so I hope that will make up for it!


	15. Chapter 15

No matter how much he tries, Kili just can't fall asleep.  

The bed provided for him is more than comfortable, but he keeps tossing and turning, unable to rest. Finally giving up and calling it a lost cause, Kili decides that a walk will help clear his head, so he slips out of the room wearing just his sleep clothes. As he passes through the corridor, he pauses when he reaches Legolas' door. He is tempted to knock, but only for a moment. With the way he's been acting since he left home, missing his family and friends, becoming jealous of who Legolas interacts with, and his neediness, maybe some time to himself would be better. 

With that, he starts to wander, choosing corridors at random but keeping track of where he's going. He doesn't want to get lost, after all. As he rounds a corner, he overhears two guards talking about him. They're facing the opposite direction, so they haven't seen him yet, but Kili clenches his fists when he realizes what they're saying.

"I can't believe we have that _thing_ staying in the castle," one says to the other. "Especially when we were fighting the greedy bastards just a few years ago."

Kili digs his nails into his palms so hard he thinks he might have broken the skin when the other guard snorts. "Heard the little freak is engaged to the elf prince too. How would they even fuck, do you think?"

"Don't even get me started on that." The first guard sounds disgusted. "Have you seen the elf? You would think he's a broad, with a face and hair like that."

"Make you wonder how he'd look with his legs spread, begging for it," the other says and they both laugh.

Cold, dark fury overtakes him at their words. To hear them talking about his people as they had is one thing, but hearing them talk about Legolas, who isn't even here to defend himself, is just as bad and he rushes forward without thinking. One of the guards must hear him coming, because he turns to glance over his shoulder, but Kili is already ducking down and sweeping his feet out from under him. The other guard draws his sword with a shout, but Kili is faster, striking out with the heel of his palm and breaking the guard's nose.

The guard he tripped stumbles to his feet, putting a hand on the hilt of his sword. "You bastard!"

"Draw it," Kili dares him quietly. "I'm sure your king would _love_ to hear all about what you said."

The guard pales and hurriedly grabs his fallen comrade, who clutches at his nose and swears around a mouthful of blood, before they hobble away. Kili watches them go, feeling less triumphant and more sad.

\--

Legolas opens the door to his room, looking like he'd just woken up from the strange elvish trance he calls sleeping. "Kili?" 

"Sorry to wake you," he says. Unable to meet Legolas' gaze, he looks down at the floor. "Can I come in?" 

When Legolas doesn't immediately reply, Kili is worried for a moment that he might be refused, but then Legolas steps aside. Kili thinks about finding somewhere to sit down, but dismisses the idea. His heart throbs like it might burst from all the emotions he's feeling, so he starts pacing instead. Legolas closes the door softly and watches him move back and forth across the room, patiently waiting for him to speak. 

"I made a mess of things," Kili forces out. Because it's true. He should have known better than to lash out as he had. Granted, the guards shouldn't have said those things, but he shouldn't have reacted the way he did either. Isn't he supposed to be mending the rift between his people and others? A fine job he's done of _that_. 

Legolas doesn't say anything as Kili explains what had happened, but when he finishes, he sighs. "You and I will apologize to Bard in the morning."

"Why do you have to?" Kili asks, upset. Legolas wasn't the one who did anything wrong.

Legolas stares at him and the disappointment he sees in his eyes makes him squirm. "We are to be married and your actions reflect on me just as much as it does you. Whether they are good or bad."

"But the things they said about you--!" 

" _Kili_." Legolas doesn't raise his voice, but the hardness of his tone is worse than if he had. "People will always have something to say. As a prince, you should know better than to let it get to you. And, in any case, your actions should be dispelling those rumors, not add to them."

He bites his lip, feeling ashamed and bitter. It was his fault, Kili knows that, but he just couldn't help himself. As a young dwarling, he had been teased mercilessly because of how he looked. He didn't know what else to do but fight back, even before he was strong enough to win. Dis and Thorin tried to correct his behavior, but he was too reckless. Too wild. And what did it matter anyway, when he was just the second son?

"I'm sorry," he says quietly. Because, really, what else is there to say? What's done is done and he can't change any of it.

Legolas nods. "Then I will see you in the morning."

Kili winces, hearing the clear dismissal for what it is. But suddenly a thought occurs to him and he can feel his insides turn cold. "Were--" He swallows hard. "Did people talk about you when you were in Erebor?" 

He tilts his head to one side and doesn't reply, but that's enough of an answer as any.

Angry and upset, Kili thinks about what Niro said about Legolas, and about their relationship, and it makes him sick. This is why he prefers shooting at the archery range, rather than socialize with other people. Who needed to worry about trolls and orcs, when there were people who could just as cruel and vicious? "You should have told me!" Kili shouts. 

Legolas looks bewildered, as if he can't figure out why Kili is reacting this way. "I didn't think it mattered."

"Of course it does!" Kili grabs his wrists and has to resist the urge to shake them. "You keep bringing up how we're engaged, but you never share anything with me. You're allowed to complain! You can tell me if you're bothered by something." Legolas' eyes narrow at him and he adds quickly, "Not because I think you can't handle it yourself, but we're practically married. I care about you, Legolas. And it makes me _sick_ to think that someone I love is being treated like that."

At first, Kili doesn't realize what he let slip until he sees the expression on Legolas' face. 

"I--" He drops Legolas' wrists and starts to back away. But before he can do or say anything else, Legolas catches him with an arm around his waist and kisses him breathless. His tongue presses insistently against his mouth until Kili lets it in, licking and tasting so thoroughly that Kili has to grip Legolas' tunic as his knees threaten to buckle underneath him. He tries kissing back as best as he can, grasping at some sense of equilibrium, but Legolas' hands presses over his hips and his mind blanks out.

He turns his face away as he struggles for air while Legolas watches him with concern on his face. "Do you want me to stop?" he asks.

 _Yes_ , Kili thinks. But, as terrified as he is, his body is humming with desperation and want. "No," he says. His voice sounds hoarse and raw. "I want more."

He looks hesitant, but Kili kisses him and Legolas makes a noise that makes his toes curl. He doesn't even notice that he's being dragged toward the bed until he practically falls on top of him. Legolas pulls away just long enough to help Kili catch his balance, and then graceful hands are removing his tunic. Kili tries to help Legolas out of his clothes with trembling hands, but is distracted when Legolas yanks him down with a strong grip on the back of his neck, pressing his lips against his collarbone and sucking hard. Kili whines and has to catch himself to avoid knocking their foreheads together.

In fact, he's so distracted that he doesn't notice Legolas' other hand until the ties of his trousers are undone and they're pushed down as long fingers wrap around him. His mouth drops open, like he might scream if he could just find the breath to do so. But then Legolas is kissing him and there are hips rocking into him, and all he can do is hang on. 

Because for a moment, one terrible, heart-stopping moment, he thinks he's back in that dungeon, being touched against his will. 

Except it's Legolas' hands on him and lips pressed against his and there's no reason for him to be afraid. And he's not. _He's not_.

When he comes, it takes him completely by surprise. He even thinks he might have cried out as Legolas' fingers squeeze around him. When he's aware of himself again, Legolas gently helps him lie down as he gets up to dress and grab a basin of water and a clean cloth. He sits on the edge of the bed, running the wet cloth over the mess on his stomach and thighs. Kili flushes with embarrassment for being the only one who came, but Legolas just smiles as he cleans them both and curls up next to him on the bed. It reminds him of a cat he used to have in Ered Luin, the way she pressed against him and purred happily.

"Are you all right?" Legolas asks, running his fingers through his hair and delicately touching the marriage bead. 

It suddenly occurs to Kili that he's shaking. He forces a smile and burrows closer as Legolas wraps his arms around him. "Yeah, I am."

Although he feels a little guilty about lying to Legolas, well. If he's the only one who knows, what harm could it do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T-this is my first attempt at writing a sex scene and it probably shows, but I feel rather accomplished. Of course, just because Legolas and Kili are becoming more intimate, doesn't mean that things will be easy for them. And with that not-so-subtle bit of foreshadowing, I bid you all a good evening!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Heyerette and Dream-tempo, who have been encouraging me with such wonderful comments and asked for more face kisses. (Enablers.)

The sky is still dark when Kili startles awake. His eyes dart around the moonlit room, trying to reorient himself. Although he's unable to remember the details of the dream he had, he doesn't think it was a nightmare. But he still feels uneasy. Then again, that may be because of the night he spent with Legolas. Since Mirkwood, Kili has been afraid of intimacy with anyone who wasn't his family or his friends, yet Legolas has shown him how not frightening it is, how good it feels, and that scares him just as much.

Kili sits up and blushes when he discovers that he's still naked. Through the sleepy haze of his mind, he recalls in startling detail how Legolas undressed him, touching his bare skin and kissing him like he was something precious. It makes something ache in his chest and when he glances down at Legolas, still asleep, he leans over him to stroke his hair. Legolas makes a soft noise and, growing a little bolder, Kili runs his fingers down his cheek and rests them against the pulse point of Legolas' neck. He feels dizzy and strange, intoxicated with these simple touches. There's a heat building up inside him and desperately wanting more closeness with Legolas, which is why Kili kisses him, unable to help himself. 

He trails kisses along Legolas' face, on the cheek, his forehead, the corner of his mouth. Kili considers grazing his lips along the length of Legolas' throat, when suddenly there are hands flipping him onto his back. He gasps in surprise, but Legolas swallows the sound with a kiss as he climbs on top of him. 

Pulling away and trying to ignore the pounding of his heart, Kili's smile is shaky at best. "Good morning."

Legolas hums in response before kissing him again. It's a little less frightening this time around, but Kili still trembles beneath him, overwhelmed with sensation. 

 _I'm not afraid_ , Kili tells himself when a hand slides under his thigh. It squeezes lightly and he can't help flinching. _There's nothing to be scared of._ But when a hardness presses against his stomach and Legolas' fingers push along the crease of his backside, Kili jerks away with a cry. He tries to stifle the sound, but it's too late. Legolas is already pulling away, his eyes wide as if he struck him. 

"I'm sorry," Kili says quickly. After last night, it makes sense Legolas would expect him to return the favor, when he hadn't even been able to come. But he's not brave enough to give him what he wants. Still, at the very least--

He starts to reach for the ties of Legolas' trousers, but a hand over his stops him. Glancing up, he finds Legolas' eyes filled with pity. "Kili." Legolas' voice is soft. "Last night I pleasured you because I wanted to. The last thing I want is for you to feel that you owe me."

The relief hits him hard and then he feels guilty for being relieved. "But--"

Legolas cuts him off with a kiss and a gentle hand resting on his bare hip. "I can wait until you're ready," he says. Kili makes to protest but he raises a hand. "And in any case, we don't have the necessary supplies, which will make things unpleasant for the both of us."

Kili doesn't entirely understand what he means, but he flushes at the implications and wiggles around until Legolas lets him up. He gropes around for his clothes, which he puts on in a hurry, and makes his way toward the door. Pausing with his hand on the knob, he glances back at Legolas who is watching him from the bed. "I want to be there when you speak with Bard."

The nod Legolas gives him makes the ache in his chest throb a bit but, before anything else can be said, Kili flees the room.

\--

"I consider myself a reasonable man," Bard says, expression stony as he stares down at Kili from his throne. "But breaking my soldier's nose over an insult is something I cannot condone."

Kili winces despite himself and glances down at his boots, ashamed. It's bad enough having Bard scold him like a child, but the disappointment on Tauriel and Thranduil's faces is so painful that he can't bear to look at them. Even Legolas, standing at his side, is eerily quiet and so unlike the gentle companion that held him in the dark. 

Bard continues on when he doesn't say anything. "This is completely unacceptable, Kili. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Slowly, Kili raises his head. "I admit that I was wrong for acting the way I did, but I'm not going to apologize for it." He looks at Legolas, who frowns and opens his mouth, but Kili quickly speaks over him. "I was defending Legolas from slander when he wasn't around to do it himself. And even if I could go back and change things, I would make the same choice all over again, regardless of the consequences."

He braces himself for whatever the others' reactions might be, but he's taken aback when Tauriel coughs in a pointed way, trying to stifle a laugh. Kili stares at her in amazement when Thranduil smiles and shakes his head in exasperation. Even Bard is grinning, looking pleased. The only person who seems more confused by it all than him is Legolas. 

"When I first heard that you and Legolas were engaged, I was worried how the both of you would get along," Bard says. "But now I see what a good match you are." He rises to his feet and places a hand on Kili's shoulder. "It's nearly impossible to know what he's thinking on his good days, but take care of this fool for me. He needs someone who can keep an eye on him."

Kili turns to Legolas and nods, wanting to kiss that dazed look on his face. "I will."


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rejoice, my friends! There is finally some real action in this chapter! Of course, it doesn't make up for the fact that it's horribly late, but I hope this will help you all forgive me?

After staying in Dale for a couple more days, Thranduil and his entourage finally set off for Mirkwood. But it is rather a surprise when Kili finds himself reluctant to leave. And, despite how rocky things had been at the start, it is really difficult to dislike someone like Bard. For all his shortcomings, he's a good man and the sort of king that inspires allegiance. Perhaps, someday, they might even become friends. With this in mind, Kili smiles when Bard sees them off and bids them farewell, insisting that they all visit again soon. Bard even promises to welcome them with a great feast for the soon to be married couple, laughing when both Legolas and Kili blush.

Unfortunately, Dale is soon far behind him and Kili is nervous about entering dark and sinister forest of Mirkwood again. He would much rather stay in Dale, or better yet, return to Erebor. There was nothing in these woods but bad memories. 

Tauriel and Legolas seem to notice his unease, but thankfully haven't brought it up with him. Still, they keep giving him concerned looks and it makes him feel guilty; perhaps he's just being paranoid over nothing. Except the elves, who up until now sang while they traveled with such joviality, are eerily silent. And even Thranduil seems tense in a way Kili finds unnerving. 

"Don't worry," Tauriel says, interrupting his thoughts. Kili stares at her in surprise and she smiles. "I swear to the Valar that I will keep you safe."

Kili glances quickly at Legolas, who is riding at his side, and feels the comforting nudge of his thigh against his. It does help reassure him for a little while that Kili almost believes that they will reach Mirkwood without incident. 

That is, until the Orcs attack. 

There's only a dozen of them or so, but they're vicious and desperate. And they keep fighting even when cut down by swords and shot through with arrows. But Kili is right there in the thick of things, shooting down Orc after Orc. 

"Kili! Behind you!" Tauriel suddenly shouts. He turns a moment too late and is knocked clean off his horse. 

He hits the ground, wrestling with the Orc on top of him and trying to free his bow from its gnarled grip. They struggle as Kili twists his hips and kicks up as hard as he can. The Orc topples off him with a shriek when an arrow pierces cleanly through its neck. Kili glares at Legolas, who trots up on his horse like he hasn't a care in the world, not a single hair out of place, just a smudge of blood on his cheek. "I was handling things just fine," Kili says. 

Legolas doesn't scoff, not exactly, but it's written all over his face that he would very much like to. "A bit of gratitude with suffice," he says crossly.

"I didn't ask for your help," Kili snaps. And, if he's being completely honest with himself, he's not entirely sure why he's so angry. All he knows is that he feels stupid and weak for being caught off guard like that and is taking it out on Legolas because he can. So he looks away from Legolas and his disappointed expression, which is the only reason he notices it. 

Somehow in the chaos, Thranduil has been singled out. He has been unseated from his horse like Kili had and, while he is holding his own, he is facing one of the larger, stealthier Orcs. Looking back, Kili will curse himself for being so reckless, but he's moving purely on instinct when he suddenly runs forward to shove Thranduil out of the way of the Orc's swinging blade. 

Kili squeezes his eyes shut and braces himself for pain, but nothing happens. Slowly, he takes a peek and is horrified to find Tauriel standing over him, an Orc sword pierced her shoulder. The Orc makes a terrible screeching noise as it wrenches its blade free. But Legolas looses arrow after arrow, finishing off the rest of the Orcs in rapid succession. Tauriel sways dangerously on her feet and Kili rushes forward to catches her. 

"Legolas, you go on ahead and take her back to Mirkwood," Thranduil says. "We will be there shortly."

Legolas nods and with Kili's help wraps Tauriel's wounded shoulder before carefully lifting her up onto Legolas' horse. Kili starts to move back, but Legolas catches his hand, making him flinch despite himself. "Everything will be fine, Kili," he says gently.

It shames him to have Legolas reassure him like a child. So he clasps their joined hands briefly and presses a fleeting touch on Tauriel's knee. Kili's heart aches when she smiles at him, her expression pinched and pained. And then they are off, Legolas' horse disappearing into the dense, dark forest. 


	18. Chapter 18

Sick with worry and guilt, Kili grips the reins of his pony so tightly that the leather bites into his palms. 

"Tauriel is strong," Thranduil says, interrupting his thoughts. Kili raises his head, but Thranduil is riding in front of him, so he can't see his expression. "The last thing she needs is your worry or your regret."

Kili presses his lips into a thin line. Everything Thranduil says is the truth, but it still doesn't change the fact that Kili is to blame for what happened. 

It's all his fault. If only he hadn't been so reckless and stupid. Or, maybe if he had been stronger, things might have turned out differently.

Thranduil doesn't glance at him over his shoulder, but it still feels like he's looking straight at him. "You are too much like your uncle. Always bearing the burden alone, and not trusting others to share the weight of it with you."

There's a mean, spiteful response Kili could make about Thorin's trust in Thranduil, but he stops himself. Because he understands that Thranduil had to make a very difficult decision when Smaug attacked Erebor. Not that it makes it right, of course, but the important thing is that Thorin eventually forgave Thranduil. 

It makes Kili wonder if Tauriel will ever forgive him.

\--

Legolas is there waiting when they arrive. 

Just the sight of him makes the heavy feeling in his heart ease, and Kili quickly dismounts, wanting to run and throw his arms around him. But he stops, reminding himself that now is not the time or the place. Still, the expression on Legolas' face reassures him, making Kili feel a bit better.

Unfortunately, the moment is not to last. As Thranduil approaches, Legolas grows serious and makes his way over to speak with his father. They talk softly in low murmurs of Elvish, but Kili catches Tauriel's name and his own. He wonders what they're discussing when Legolas turns to him, his smile soft. "Come," he says. He beckons for Kili to follow and leads him away. "Tauriel has been asking to see you."

A rush of apprehension washes over him, but Kili trusts Legolas and does want to see how Tauriel is doing. So he obediently follows him to the infirmary, where an elf hurries to meet them. She looks familiar in a vague sort of way and Kili takes a moment to put a name to the face. "You're-- Harriel, right?" he asks slowly.

Years ago, after Legolas rescued him from the guards that tried to violate him, Harriel had been the healer Legolas brought along. And even though he was too terrified at the time to let her anywhere near him, she is apparently not bothered by it, judging by the way her eyes brighten with recognition. "Yes, my lord," she says with a bow of her head. "I'm glad to see you're doing well."

Kili smiles at her as Legolas asks, "Is Tauriel awake yet?" 

Harriel huffs in irritation. "She keeps insisting that she's not tired, so she refuses to rest. Such a fool!"

"This 'fool' can still hear you, Harriel," says a voice. Kili turns his attention to the bed and there's Tauriel, her face drawn and pale, but not as grave as he feared. She's even smiling at him, with something like relief on her face. "I'm glad to see you unharmed, Kili."

He nods. "Thanks to you."

Tauriel holds out her hand to him and he takes it, clasping it in both of his. "You are my prince's beloved, but you are also my friend," she says seriously. "It is my duty to keep you safe. And I do it gladly."

Kili doesn't respond, too choked up to speak. But Tauriel continues to smile at him, holding his hand until her eyelids flutter shut and she is fast asleep. 

Legolas touches his shoulder until he finally lets go. "We can see her again when she wakes, but for now I'll show you to your rooms," he tell him gently. Kili nods but can't help glancing back at Tauriel over his shoulder.

"I will keep you both informed on her progress," Harriel promises. 

Kili smiles at her gratefully. "Thank you."

\--

Legolas leads him through the halls, looking troubled. "I'm sorry, Kili. I had hoped that you would find your arrival in the Woodland realm more favorable than the last time, but that doesn't seem to be the case."

Kili glances around to make sure no one is watching before entwining their fingers, studying how much bigger Legolas' hand is compared to his. "The Orc attack and Tauriel getting hurt wasn't your fault," he says, because he wants to make sure that Legolas knows that. "But I appreciate the sentiment." 

Legolas' response is a dubious look that Kili finds so amusing, it makes him laugh.

When they finally reach his rooms, Kili finds himself not wanting him to go. Instead, he stares up at Legolas for a long moment before leaning in to gently push strands of his fine, golden hair off his forehead. Legolas sighs and tilts his head down, pressing a soft kiss against the palm of his hand.

Kili shivers. He feels Legolas start to pull away and twists his hands in the material of his shirt, desperate and wanting. And he knows how improper it is, how wrong, but he can't help saying, "Spend the night with me."

"No, Kili," Legolas says. But it looks like the very last thing he wants to do is deny him this, so Kili uses it to his advantage. 

He presses as close as he can and stands on the tips of his toes to press a kiss against the corner of his mouth. "Please. I want you."

Legolas moans and suddenly shoves the door open, pulling Kili inside and locking it behind them. The servants clearly had the room already prepared, because the candles are lit and there's a fire burning in the hearth, but Kili barely gets to spare it a glance as Legolas pulls him to the bed.

Legolas sits down on the edge of the bed and yanks Kili into a kiss, making him almost forget the terrible things that happened today with the heat of his mouth. But then, all too soon, the kiss is over, and Legolas looks unsure. "Kili, we really shouldn’t--"

“ _Please_ ,” he says, hating how desperate he sounds. “I want to touch you.”

Legolas still looks hesitant, but he doesn’t protest when Kili pushes him onto his back and climbs on top of him. As Kili’s fingers brush over the curve of his hips, he pauses, meeting Legolas’ gaze. Legolas stares back at him before nodding and saying quietly, “Go on, then.”

His skin buzzing and face flushed, Kili helps Legolas out of his tunic then unfastens the ties of his trousers and yanks them free, along with his undergarments. He tosses them carelessly over his shoulder and drinks in the sight of Legolas’ bare skin. With his long hair spread out on the pillows, his eyes dark and inviting, Kili forgets himself for a moment. But then he remembers that he’s allowed to _touch_ as well, which he eagerly does.

He presses kisses along the hollow of Legolas’ throat as his hands roam up and down his sides. Then Legolas makes a soft, startled noise when Kili’s lips venture down to his chest and he gently sucks on a nipple. Kili honestly has no idea what he’s doing, but taking Legolas’ breathless moans as encouragement, he lavishes the other nipple with attention and rolls it between his fingers. Legolas arches his back and suddenly his hands sweep under Kili’s shirt, making him break off with a gasp.

"Kili," Legolas whispers and kisses him with a reverence that makes his head spin. His skin feels hot where Legolas is touching him, like he’s burning up from the inside.

He twists away, struggling to catch his breath. “Wait.”

Legolas blinks as Kili draws back to his shirt over his head and throws it over the edge of the bed. He leans over him again and is taken aback when Legolas smiles with relief, as if he had been worried Kili was trying to leave. Feeling guilty about it, Kili trails kisses down his chest and stomach until he reaches his cock. 

The sight of it makes Kili hesitate, intimidated. He glances up, meeting Legolas' eyes with his own. The expression on his face is worried, which is the complete opposite of what Kili wants, and is the only reason why he presses his trembling lips against the head of his cock. 

It takes him by surprise when Legolas jerks forward, his long hair tickling the sides of his face, as the hardness against his mouth pushes in. The texture and the taste is strange, but he doesn't necessarily dislike it. Maybe he'll even get used to it as time passes. 

The thought makes his face flush and he grows bold, opening his mouth wider and taking him deeper. He uses his hands too, although he has no idea what he's doing as his fingers fumble on Legolas' skin. Legolas gasps and reaches out, twisting his fingers in Kili's hair. It hurts a little, but it also feels kind of good, so Kili keeps mouthing and licking at every part of Legolas he can. 

Kili sweeps his tongue along the under side of his cock, which makes Legolas' grip on his hair tightens and tugs insistently. He pulls away with an obscene pop and struggles to catch his breath, trying to decipher the pained look on Legolas' face. "Was that--" His voice starts out slightly raspy so he stops to swallow and try again. "Was that all right?"

"Of course it was," Legolas says breathlessly. He touches himself with a moan and, moments later, spends in his hand. 

Kili watches him in confusion, worried that maybe he didn't do a good enough job after all. That Legolas just said he did so he wouldn't feel bad. But there's a feverish intent in his eyes and, before Kili realizes what's happening, Legolas kisses him as his hands work on opening his trousers. 

"You are amazing, Kili," he breathes. 

It makes him flush, embarrassed and pleased, and he blushes harder as Legolas tugs his trousers down and grips him by the hips. Kili takes the hint and grinds down, supporting himself by holding on to Legolas' shoulders. 

Afterward, he lies face to face with Legolas, out of breath and warm. And, as he starts to fall asleep, he thinks that maybe, or even more than maybe, a life at Legolas' side might actually bring him happiness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The funny thing is that, when I started working on this fic, I was hoping that I'd be able to finish it before the Desolation of Smaug came out. Clearly I've failed miserably at that, but I hope I was able to make up for it with Thranduil being a pretty awesome father-in-law, some familiar faces, Tauriel, and porn.


	19. Chapter 19

The bed is empty when Kili opens his eyes. 

He can't say he's all that surprised, not after Legolas made it very clear he wants to avoid adding to the already scandalous rumors about them. But it still hurts a little when he remembers how gentle Legolas had been, wiping them both up and helping Kili, weary but satisfied, into clean clothes to sleep in. How he held Kili against him as his free hand played with the marriage bead in his hair. How they fell asleep like that, as if nothing in the world mattered but each other. 

Kili slowly sits up, wincing at the aches he feels all over, and stumbles out of bed to find his boots. Then he washes his face and brushes out his hair before snapping his hair clasp in place. He studies his reflection in the mirror for a long moment, noting all the flaws he's always been self-conscious about, and sighs. With a resigned heart, he leaves to check on Tauriel. 

Unfortunately, finding his way to the infirmary is harder than he thought it would be without a guide, and soon he's hopelessly lost. He starts wandering around, looking for something familiar, but he just confuses himself even more. And worst of all is that, every once in a while he'll pass some servants and guards he could probably ask for help from, but can't bring himself to actually do it.

As the possibility of being forever lost in these labyrinthine halls looms over him, Kili hears hushed voices behind him. He turns quickly enough just to catch sight of two small figures dart back into the shadows. It surprises him, because they look a lot like _children_. And he's always been half-convinced that elves are pop out of the womb as fully grown adults. 

"Hello there," he says softly, holding out his hands to appear as nonthreatening as possible. "Come on out. It's all right."

It takes a moment, but at last the children show themselves again and hesitantly approach him. Seeing them up close, Kili realizes that they have Legolas' pale eyes, but their hair is black like raven feathers and the shape of their face isn't quite right. Even so, there's something about them that is familiar. 

He smiles and introduces himself. "My name is Kili. What are your names?"

"Why do you want to know?" the child on the right demands. 

The one on the left quickly shushes the other and bows. "I am Andreth, my lord. And this is my sister, Aredhel."

They're both girls, he realizes suddenly. It's still a challenge for him to differentiate genders among the elves, but the way their carry themselves reminds Kili a lot of his own mother. Regal and incredibly sad, like the princess of a once lost kingdom. 

It suddenly occurs to him that Legolas never mentioned siblings. Or, more importantly, offspring. They can't possibly be his children, could they? 

The though makes him feel ill at ease, so Kili quickly pushes it aside to ponder over later. "Pleased to meet you both," he says, smiling as sincerely as he can. "Is there any possible way the two of you can show me how to get to the infirmary?"

The girls exchange glances. "Are you going to see Tauriel?" Andreth asks him. 

She sounds honestly curious about it, so he nods. "Tauriel has been a very good friend to me and I wanted to check on how she's doing."

His words seem to appease Aredhel, because the suspicious look on her face eases and she takes his hand, tugging insistently on his arm. "This way," she says. "Andreth and I will take you there."

Kili has always had a soft spot for children, so, without thinking about it, he holds out his free hand for Andreth to take. She startles at that and flushes with embarrassment, making him worry that he's done something wrong. Just as he thinks about pulling away, she reaches out shyly and places her hand in his. 

\--

As the girls lead him through the winding corridors, they give him a little tour and point out specific rooms that he might need to find later. As they are about to turn the corner, Kili hears a very familiar voice: Legolas. Andreth and Aredhel recognize his voice as well, because they eagerly move to to call out to him, but Kili stops them when he actually makes out what Legolas is saying. 

"Father, those Orcs were targeting you for a reason. We need to find out--"

Thranduil's voice, while quieter, is fierce enough to make Kili shiver. "If you think I will involve my only son and let you--"

"I am already involved because I was there!" Legolas shouts. The girls flinch, but Kili stays rooted to the spot, too stunned to do anything else. After a moment, Legolas' voice comes a little more softer. "They went after you, Tauriel was wounded, and I almost lost Kili. I need no other reason to hunt them down."

Kili's heart constricts at the thought of Legolas doing anything of the sort when he has firsthand knowledge of how dangerous Orcs can be. In that moment, he remembers how he felt when he saw Thorin and Fili, broken and bleeding, after the battle. He isn't sure he can go through something like that again.

He drops Andreth and Aredhel's hands and is about to step forward, to talk Legolas out of doing something so foolish, when Thranduil speaks again. "If you leave, who will keep Kili and the children safe?" A tense silence follows, so Thranduil continues, "Tauriel still needs time to heal. You must stay here, at least until she can get back on her feet."

After a long pause, Legolas finally sighs. "I understand."

Footsteps head toward them and Kili panics, not wanting to be caught eavesdropping. Aredhel tugs on his hand and the girls lead him to a side room, which they duck into until they can't hear Thranduil and Legolas anymore. Andreth and Aredhel look distressed by what they heard, which makes Kili feel guilty. 

"I'm sorry," he says gently. He places a hand on their shoulders. "I shouldn't have let you hear all that."

"We heard Tauriel was hurt by Orcs, but we had no idea about the king," Andreth says quietly, blinking back tears. It alarms Kili and he prays that she doesn't start crying. He's always been rather weak to the tears of children, which is something Gimli used to exploit whenever he could, the little brat. 

Aredhel says something in Elvish that has Andreth frantically trying to shush her. "I am going to be strong like Tauriel," she declares. "I will train hard and send those Orcs running with their tails between their legs." 

Kili can't help grinning despite himself. "I should very much hope so."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andreth and Aredhel are named after the famous characters from The Silmarillion. I feel guilty for reusing the names, but I thought they really suit them.


	20. Chapter 20

Tauriel smiles when she sees them. Her eyes clearer and more lucid than when Kili saw her last, and holds out her arms to Andreth and Aredhel. "There you two are. Come here."

The girls immediately release Kili's hands and throw themselves at her, wrapping their arms around her tightly. He worries that they might be causing her pain, but she doesn't even wince. She holds them close and smooths their hair from their faces, murmuring softly in Elvish. Aredhel responds quickly and angrily, making Tauriel roll her eyes and pinch her cheek. Andreth stifles a laugh and then tries to look innocent when Aredhel shoots her a betrayed look. 

"Tauriel hates it when anyone fusses over her," Harriel says as she stands beside Kili, watching the others with an exasperated sort of smile. "I don't think she understands just how cherished she truly is." Kili turns to look at her then, curious. It's not so much the words she said, but the way he said them that make him think that she meant something much deeper. But Harriel also seems to realize what she let slip, because she flushes and turns away, busying herself with sorting through her supplies. 

"Have you two been hospitable to Kili?" Tauriel asks in the common speech. It takes him a moment, but then it occurs to him that she's purposefully trying to include him in the conversation. 

"Aredhel and Andreth have been great," Kili says with a smile. Because he appreciate that they helped him find his way, even when they didn't have to. And had to listen to Thranduil and Legolas' worrisome conversation. 

Andreth looks grateful for the praise and even Aredhel fights a pleased grin. It cuts deep at his heart, because he's reminded of the friends and family he left behind in Erebor. Without thinking about what he's doing, Kili reaches out and ruffles their hair, laughing at the stunned expressions on their faces. The girls exchange a glance, before throwing themselves at him to have their revenge. They tug hard at the strands of his hair, but it doesn't hurt. Although they're nearly a head taller than he is, they're still children. And he's gotten in worse scrapes wrestling with Gimli and Fili. 

"Andreth. Aredhel. That's enough."

They freeze, and even Kili stills when he realizes that Thranduil and Legolas had entered the infirmary while they were distracted. 

"He started it," Aredhel protests and then fidgets when Legolas pins her with a sharp look. 

It reminds Kili of the looks Dis used to give him and Fili when she caught them doing something they were definitely not supposed to. "Actually, it's my fault," he says, because it really is and he's not afraid to admit it. He pauses and, because it seems expected, adds, "Sorry."

Legolas blinks at him slowly, but it's Thranduil who speaks. "We should let Tauriel rest now," he says. "Breakfast has already been prepared."

The last thing Kili wants to do is leave, but he hears the command for what it is, because he's heard it from Thorin before. They're not just going to eating. The king has something important to talk about. 

At first, Kili thinks that Thranduil and Legolas found out about him and the girls eavesdropping on their conversation. Or that they'll reprimand Kili for letting the girls act improperly in the infirmary, but there's nothing of the kind. In fact, there's hardly much talking at all except for Thranduil inquiring about Andreth and Aredhel's studies and their weapons training. Kili is rather taken aback by it, because Thranduil seems honestly interested, in a way that is almost doting and affectionate. 

Not for the first time, Kili wonders who these girls are exactly. He's debating whether he should ask now or leave it for another time, but he's broken out of his thoughts when suddenly Thranduil turns his attention to him and Legolas. "It would be best to have the wedding three weeks from today," he says. 

Legolas nods and Kili hesitantly does the same. After everything he and Legolas have done together, they're practically married at this point. But he's not sure how he feels about Thranduil just springing this on them like that, king or not. 

Aredhel studies him from across the table, frowning with confusion. "Ada is getting married? To you?"

Kili knows that the question shouldn't hurt him, but it still does, and he has to take a deep breath before forcing a smile. "Yes. That's right."

But instead of being disgusted or protesting the matter, he is surprised when a smile spreads across Aredhel's face, and even Andreth looks excited about it. "Good! You are much nicer than Iraleth was. She and Ada--"

"Aredhel." Thranduil cuts her off, firmly but gently. "Will you and Andreth leave us, a moment?"

The girls glance at each other before bowing and rising from the table, holding hands as they leave the room together. Kili watches them go, wondering what that word they keep calling Legolas is and what it means.

"The both of you will refrain from intimacy until the wedding," Thranduil says as soon as the door shuts behind Andreth and Aredhel. Kili stares at him, mouth agape, and _horrified_. "There is already too much attention on this marriage, and any rumors that come up will just make the union harder to accept for others."

"We understand," Legolas says. And Kili, too mortified over the fact his soon to be father-in-law knows that they're being _intimate,_  can only nod his agreement.

Apparently deciding that breakfast is over, Thranduil sends Kili away. And he is immediately bombarded by elves who are to prepare him for the wedding.

There is Manesra, his escort and Sindarin teacher, who is nearly as tall as Thranduil, with brown eyes and auburn hair. He and Kili spend long hours going over how to read and write the elvish language, to the point his head is spinning with all this new information. (Kili used to think Balin was a harsh teacher, but clearly he was a saint in comparison.) Manesra also goes over the wedding vows that Kili will need to know for the ceremony, which makes him very nervous.

Then there's Saeroel, the seamstress, who has Kili stand around for a couple more hours while she pokes and prods at him with needles. She is small for an elf, barely reaching Tauriel's shoulder, with light brown hair and green eyes. Kili can't help thinking that she's like a little bird, chattering constantly and flitting around as she prepares his garments for the wedding. 

Fortunately, the rest of the day Kili more or less has to himself. So he spends a few hours out in the training area to make up for all the time he was forced to be confined. After bathing and cleaning himself up, he goes to check on Tauriel, who complains about being bedridden. Harriel just huffs at her, but blushes when Kili gives her a knowing look. He's tempted to meddle, but decides letting them figure things out for themselves is better. It seems like it will be a long time before they managed to get things sorted out between them, however. 

Kili also makes sure to spend time with Andreth and Aredhel. In just a few weeks, Legolas' family is going to become his family. And despite having just met, they seem to like him, which abates most of the concern he feels about how they would react to such a transition. And although Kili doubts that he's ready to be a father, he doesn't mind being their friend. 

When he finally sees Legolas at the end of the day, he's tired but happy. Kili doesn't even care that they're not allowed to be alone with each other. Just spending a little bit of time with him makes the weariness of the day lift. 

"You look exhausted," Legolas says fondly, reaching out and brushing his fingers against his cheek.  

Kili turns red and glances quickly at Manesra, who pretends not to see it. "I have a question for you," he says after a moment, half to change the subject and half because he honestly wants to know. "Were you married before? I mean, you've lived a long time and I honestly wouldn't blame you if--" 

"I have never been married," Legolas interrupts, his eyes warm and amused. Then his expressions mellows out into something more somber. "If you are wondering about Aredhel and Andreth, their father, Aerandir, was a dear friend of mine. He was the captain of the guard before Tauriel took his place." 

He immediately regrets bringing it up. "I'm sorry." 

Legolas shakes his head. "No, I should have told you this sooner. Aerandir fell defending our borders during an orc raid. His wife was so heartbroken over his death that she passed on not long after. And because Anderth and Aredhel had no other living relatives, I took them in as my own." 

Somehow, that doesn't surprise Kili at all. It seems like the sort of noble thing Legolas would do. "You have done well by them," he tells him. "They're sweet girls and I like them a lot." He pauses. "I just hope I don't disappoint any of you." 

Legolas smiles. "You are hardly a disappointment," he says, and the worst thing is that Kili can tell that he _means_ it.  

Flustered despite himself, Kili has the sudden urge to kiss him or run away before the moment becomes any more embarrassing. "I had better go to bed. Goodnight, Legolas." But he lingers in the doorway, even though he knows it's improper. As if he's waiting for something, although he doesn't even know what he's waiting for. 

"Goodnight, Kili," Legolas responds, and, after making sure Manesra is purposefully looking the other way, kisses him gently. It's a fleeting sort of kiss, but it heats him up from the inside and he wants more. So much more. Legolas seems to feel the same way, because his thumb briefly sweeps along Kili's bottom lip, before at last he turns away and shuts the door behind him. 

"I trust that you will be prepared for our lessons tomorrow," Manesra says as he walks Kili back to his room. 

He winces, because it's only been one day and he's not prepared for _anything_. Not that he'll never admit to that, though. "Um. Of course."

Manesra stops him there in the hall and lays a large, warm hand on his shoulder. "You are a very good match for the prince," he says, his usually stern voice is soft and quiet. "I have never seen him so happy as when he's with you."

Kili squirms, his cheeks flushed and hot. Because, if he's being perfectly honest with himself, Legolas makes him very happy too.

\--

In the quiet of his rooms, Kili sets out parchment and ink and begins to write letters to his family. He keeps them simple and brief, but beneath every word is a cry of, "I miss you," "I want you here with me," and "I wish you would be here for my wedding."

He writes until the candles dim and he can barely keep his eyes open. And when he curls up beneath his blankets, he's too tired to dream. Much less acknowledge how lonely he feels sleeping alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will the next chapter have the actual wedding and some sexy times? Well, you'll have to wait and see, won't you?


	21. Chapter 21

The weeks pass painfully slow. 

With his Sindarin lessons and all the preparation for the wedding, it's a wonder Kili hasn't gone completely mad. And probably the only reason he hasn't is because of the friends he's made in Mirkwood. Tauriel, who has healed from her injuries, shoots with him at the archery range and sometimes they even spar. (But lately she's been busy going to the infirmary to visit Harriel, so Kili tries not to bother them too much if he can help it.) Andreth and Aredhel sing songs and tell stories and point out the constellations in the sky to him. So he sings dwarvish songs and tells them dwarvish stories and teaches them the names of every star in Khuzdul. 

Thorin might be furious if he ever finds out about that, but isn't Kili's marriage to Legolas supposed to bridge the gap between their people? And Andreth and Aredhel will soon be his daughters. Who else could he trust with the secret language of his forefathers than with family?

Kili has been meaning to also teach Legolas a bit of Khuzdul, but he always seems so busy. With the wedding preparations and what Kili fears is an investigation of the Orc attack, they almost never have any time to spend together. And Legolas dragging him into empty rooms and around corners to kiss him senseless certainly don't count. 

Even now, a few days before the wedding, with his back against the little alcove Legolas presses him into, makes him painfully aroused and terribly lonely. These stolen moments are not enough to satisfy him, and he feels guilty for disobeying Thranduil like this. Because, all things considered, Thranduil only wants to keep people from talking about his heir and the dwarf prince he brought home to wed. 

"We shouldn't be doing this," Kili gasps out and turns his face away. 

Legolas immediately pulls back, watching him with concern as he catches his breath. "Why? Are you all right?"

Kili rubs a hand over his face, because he'll take one look at Legolas' kiss-bruised lips and his shaky resolve will crumble like dust. "I'm fine," he says quietly. "It's just-- Your father told us not to and I don't feel comfortable sneaking around like this."

Legolas looks a resigned, but nods in agreement. "I know. But it is so hard to keep away when I want you so much."

A shaky laugh escapes him, because sometimes it's still too incredible to believe that someone like Legolas would want him. "I feel the same way," Kili admits. He presses his fingers along his jaw and his breath stutters when he tilts his head to catch his fingers with a kiss. "I can definitely understand that."

Staring at his mouth and making a frustrated sound, Legolas finally moves aside to let him pass. Kili manages to reach the end of the corridor before turning at last, a part of him aching when he finds Legolas still standing in the same spot, immovable as stone. 

Kili has the sudden urge to run back, to grab him by the collar and yank him down for another kiss, but he holds it in and hurries away instead.

There will be more than enough time to do so after the wedding. 

\--

"Prince Kili?"

Kili jerks awake and sits up quickly in his chair. He had gone to the library after meeting with Legolas, reading up on the history of Doriath (although that really means hiding from Manesra), before nodding off. He glances down at the tome he had accidentally ended up using as a pillow and winces at it's crumpled pages. 

"Allow me." A hand reaches out to smooths the ruined book as if he's never damaged it. 

"Thank you," Kili says, just barely stifling a yawn. He glances over and is startled to find an elf maiden, studying him closely. She has dark eyes and light brown hair, and while she is unfamiliar to him, there's something about her that he recognizes. "Excuse me, have we met before?"

She shakes her head as she sits down across from him. "We have not, my lord. But I know who you are and you may have heard of me before. My name is Iraleth."

Aredhel had said that name before, hadn't she? The recognition must show on his face, because she continues without letting him respond. 

"I was once promised to the prince," she explains. She doesn't sound angry or bitter, but he can see the tension in her shoulders. It reminds him a lot of Thorin, and how he still bears the weight of the world by himself, something Thranduil had mentioned to him once before. 

Kili closes the book and sets it aside. "What happened?" He realizes how that sounds and winces. "If you don't mind me asking, that is." 

Iraleth stares at him, as if trying to determine what Legolas could possibly see in him. "When Aerandir fell and Legolas accepted his daughters as his own, he said that he did not wish for us to have children."

"Is that a bad thing?" Kili asks, confused. There are many married dwarves that agree not to have children, but it seems like elvish culture is different.

"He knew how much I wanted a child. His child." Something about her demeanor crumbles and Kili can the pain in her eyes. "I wanted to love a child that came from within me and watch him grow. And he could not give me that."

But he understands why. Although he was too young to remember his own father when he died, there was Thorin. And while Thorin tried his best to be there for him and Fili, to be the father they no longer had, he was always busy dealing with the duties and obligations he had as king. 

Legolas seems to be the same way with Andreth and Aredhel, but surely they would have felt even more neglected if there was another child who shared the same blood around. 

"He loved you," Kili says at last, gently. Because he's experienced that love first hand, and knows Legolas must have felt that way if he had wanted to marry her. "He let you go because he wanted you to have what he couldn't give."

Iraleth covers her mouth with a hand and stands abruptly. Before he can even ask her if she's all right, she leaves without so much as a parting word or glance. Feeling guilty about it, Kili puts the book away and heads back to his rooms, his heart heavy.  

To distract himself, Kili wonders if he should write more letters to his family, as he's been doing every couple of days. Until about four days ago, he's been getting replies from them, but they suddenly stopped, and it's making him anxious. Maybe they're annoyed by how often Kili is writing home? Or perhaps they're preoccupied with more important things? 

Kili is so lost in his thoughts that he almost doesn't hear the voice calling his name. At first he thinks it's Manesra who has found him at last, but that voice is too familiar. It's a voice he's known all his life, belonging to someone he knows like his own self.  

"Kili!" the voice calls again and suddenly Fili is slamming into him, his embrace so tight that it hurts. There is a shout from another familiar voice and Gimli nearly topples them over, clinging tightly to his tunic. Kili blinks tears from his vision, pressing his face against Fili's shoulder as he drags Gimli closer with an arm around his neck.  

"What are you two doing here?" he asks. He chokes on the words, feeling too overwhelmed with happiness to come up with anything better.  

"Did you really think that we would miss your wedding?"  

Kili looks up then, heart in his throat, to find his mother approaching with Tauriel, who is smiling, and Gandalf following not too far behind. Gimli lets him go and Fili shoves at his shoulder, but he's already striding forward to sweep her up in his arms.  

Dis laughs as he sets her down back on her feet and holds his face in her hands. She stares at him for a long moment, as if she's not quite sure he's real. "You've gotten too thin," she says at last. She frowns. "Are they not feeding you enough?" 

Kili huffs at her and leans in to kiss her on the cheek. "Don't be ridiculous, Mother." He doesn't mention that he hasn't had much of an appetite for the last few weeks and that Legolas has only been pushing food on to him at every opportunity, and he most likely convinced the girls join in on it too. Which is cheating, because Kili has come to the horrible realization that he can't refuse Andreth and Aredhel anything.  

There's a pointed cough and Kili startles, having nearly forgotten one other important visitor. Gandalf frowns as if he's upset about it, yet his eyes are twinkling in that amused way of his when he's trying very hard not to laugh. "And after I even went out of my way to bring fireworks," he says, mock hurt. 

"Of course it's really great to see you, Gandalf!" It's said rather hurriedly, but Kili means every word of it. And he does feel a little better when Gandalf winks at him playfully.  

Grinning back, Kili glances around as if Thorin might appear from around the corner, and crestfallen when it doesn't happen.  

Fili notices his expression and ruffles his hair. "He would have come if he could," he says gently. "You know that as well as I do." 

And Kili does know. Thorin had mentioned it before, after Kili found out how he and Thranduil felt about each other. When Thorin explained why he had to go through with his engagement to someone else, because his position on the throne was already being questioned. Kili knows all that.  

He can't help being a bit disappointed about it, though.  

Kili quickly shakes his head to clear it and grabs Dis' hand in his. "Come on," he says with a smile. "Let's get you all settled and you can tell me what you're doing here." 

\-- 

Later, it occurs to Kili that introducing Andreth and Aredhel to his mother is probably the worst idea he ever had. And there have been some pretty bad ones.  

The problem isn't that Dis adores the girls, or that the girls fawn over her as if she's already their grandmother. He's actually thrilled with how much they get along. No, the problem is that his own mother is wicked enough to tell them the most embarrassing stories about Kili as a child. Like the time he singed off some of his hair when he and Fili were playing in the forge and ventured too close to the fire (Thorin had to dump a bucket of water over his head to put it out). Or how he used to bring home small animals hidden under his clothes, until one day the field mouse he had stuffed in his pocket chewed a hole straight through it and into his trousers.  

"Stop laughing," Kili snaps as Andreth and Aredhel dissolve in a fit of giggles. "It's not funny!" 

"I'll have to disagree with you on that," Fili says unhelpfully beside him.  

Kili glares at his traitorous brother and squirms as he reels him in for a hug. Begrudgingly, he wraps his arms around his waist. "I hate you," he mutters against his hair. 

Fili pulls away just enough to grin at him. "No, you don't." 

He really doesn't, but that's not the point. "How is Lae?" he asks instead.  

The look on his brother's face can only be described as lovestruck and worshipful. "She's doing great. She wanted to come with me, but the healers thought it wouldn't be good for the baby." 

Kili stares at him, stunned, because _already_? "I think the last thing the world needs is for you to unleash your offspring into it," he says after a moment. Never mind the fact that Kili is definitely looking forward to one day becoming an uncle. 

Shaking his head, Fili briefly hugs him again before shoving him away. "Go and find your intended, you brat." 

It suddenly occurs to him then that he hasn't seen Legolas since his family arrived. Kili leaves the room, wondering where he's gone off to, when he catches sight of Legolas and Gimli making their way toward him. Despite himself, he can't help the spike of jealousy that pierces his heart. But then Legolas smiles at him and the feeling eases. 

"I'll leave you two lovebirds alone," Gimli says with a long-suffering sort of look, not even flinching when Kili punches his arm. He just grins and punches him back before returning to his rooms.  

Finding himself alone with Legolas makes Kili feel suddenly shy. "So what were you two talking about?" he asks, trying to sound nonchalant about it.  

But Legolas knows him better than that. He catches his hand and holds it in his own, staring down at his fingers wrapped around Kili's palm. "Your cousin said that if I ever hurt you, he would make me regret it in the most gruesome and painful of ways." 

Kili groans, because Gimli might mean well but completely lacks any tact. And that's saying a lot, coming from him. "I'm sorry." 

"Don't be." Legolas looks too amused for his own good. "Now I feel like I'm really part of the family."  

The words make Kili's heart do little flips in his chest and in that moment he wants nothing more than to kiss him, so he does. It probably makes him a hypocrite after everything he said, but he doesn't care. He thought for sure that his family wouldn't be able to make his own wedding, with the political turmoil Erebor is in and how dangerous the woods of Mirkwood are. But Dis had explained that Legolas sent his very best warriors to accompany their entourage, to make sure that they would arrive safely.  

"I never said thank you for what you did," Kili says when they part for breath.  

Legolas shakes his head and briefly peppers his jaw with kisses before pulling away. "And you don't have to." 

If Kili hadn't been in love with him before, that would have surely been a turning point. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, there's no wedding or smut in this chapter after all, but I hope I was able to make it up with some familiar faces. And I swear there will be all of that in the next one. But thank you all for being absolutely lovely readers for taking the time to leave comments and kudos, it really means a lot!


	22. Chapter 22

On the morning of the wedding, Kili has trouble keeping still and fidgets anxiously.

"Are you uncomfortable, your highness?"

He glances at Saeroel, who has her focus on the many ties and buckles of his outfit. She's done her best to incorporate both elvish and dwarfish elements to his clothing, which he appreciates. His robes are dark blue with silver stitching that loops and curls around him like vines over a dark tunic. Feeling nervous, he tugs on his sleeves a little but obediently stops when she taps his hands with her fingers. A circlet of mithril placed upon his head to keep his hair pushed back, except for the braid with the marriage bead. "No, I'm fine. Just nervous," he says, although that's definitely a lie. He's not just nervous, he's terrified.

Saeroel smiles at him reassuringly. "And there's no reason for you to be. You will be fine."

Before she can say more, a knock at the door interrupts her and is followed by his mother's voice. "Kili?"

Without thinking, he tries to move to the door, but Saeroel lightly slaps at his hip to keep him in place. He sighs and calls out instead, "Come in."

Dis enters the room, dressed in a gown befitting a queen. "May we have a moment?" she asks Saeroel, who bows politely before leaving. 

Kili studies her and wonders what she sees when she looks at him. He's positive that she' is conflicted and heartbroken to see both of her sons married within months of each other, but she doesn't show it. She's has always been difficult to read when she wants to be. 

"I have something for you," Dis says instead. "Hold out your hand."

Blinking, Kili does as he's told and stares down at the object she places in his palm. It's a silver pendant, about the length and width of his thumb, with a small sapphire embedded in the center. Around the gem are engraved the runes of his name. His true name. The one only his closest family members know. "What is this?"

The smile she gives him is tired and sad. "It is a tradition of your father's family. They give pendants like these to the one they will marry, as a promise to always be faithful." She stops and pauses a moment to compose herself. "He made one for you and for Fili before-- before he died."

All of a sudden, Kili's heart aches for the father he never knew. Although he has spent many years of his youth resenting him for abandoning their mother and leaving a gaping hole in Fili's life and his own, Kili still wishes that he can be here now. 

"Thank you, Mother," he says softly.

Dis leans in to kiss his cheek before holding him in her arms, as if no matter how much he's outgrown her, he will always be her precious child. "May the Maker bless the union of our house with that of the elves," she replies. She places a hand over her chest and Kili knows that, even if he can't see it, his father's pendant is resting over her heart.

\--

Kili has always wondered what his wedding would be like when he was young. He used to try imagining what sort of person he would marry or where the ceremony would take place. And while the actual thing isn't quite like how he pictured it, he doesn't mind it all that much. 

Because when he sees Legolas dressed in long silver robes that catch the light, he can't help the way his breath hitches. Legolas, shining like a star, smiles and takes his hand, which begins to trembles. Still, he manages to recite his vows in Sindarin without messing it up (something he hopes Manesra will be pleased about). It surprises him a little when they repeat their vows in Westron, but it's one he finds very satisfying. Because this isn't just a marriage between him and Legolas, it's a bond between their people, something that has never taken place in Middle Earth's long history.

If Kili is going to be perfectly honest about it, he finds it a little intimidating to have so much pressure on them both with this. But he can bear with it with Legolas at his side.

They are then given mithril rings with coils of rose gold twined around the bands, which they place on each other's fingers, some elvish tradition, Andreth had explained, and at last it's done. They are married. 

The revelation of it has Kili spending most of the banquet sitting there in a daze, until Legolas places his hand over his. "Are you all right?" he asks, concerned. 

"Of course," he says a little too quickly. He winces at himself, because it doesn't sound the least bit sincere. Trying again, he admits, "I'm just so happy, I don't know what to do with myself." And it frightens him, because he's never felt like this before. 

Legolas is silent for so long that Kili wonders if he's somehow offended him, when he suddenly leans forward to kiss him. He sucks in a surprised breath, but he still kisses him back, never mind how inappropriate it might be. It's their wedding day, after all. They should be allowed this sort of indulgence. 

"If I may have a moment," Gandalf interrupts. He says it to the entire room as a whole, but when Kili pulls away from Legolas to look at him, he winks. "I do believe I owe the couple a special congratulations."

Kili grins, eager to see the promised fireworks, when Legolas rises from his seat and holds out his hand to him. Although bemused, he takes it without thinking, only to realize after they lace their fingers together that he has no idea where they're going. He glances at his family and friends to see them smiling their way as they pass. The one exception is Thranduil, who wears a neutral expression he can't decipher. 

Legolas leads him through a passage he never noticed before emerging from the elvenking's halls to a roof terrace made from stone. Kili stares out at the stunning view, wondering how much more breathtaking it must have looked when the trees of Mirkwood were green and beautiful. 

"My father built this for Mother," Legolas explains. "She loved gazing up at the stars and used to teach me the constellations from here."

There's a sadness and longing in his voice that Kili isn't sure how to address. For all that he has grieved for his own father, it's not the same. Legolas lived with his mother for an untold number of years before she was torn abruptly from his life. And a pain like that never heals, no matter how much time passes. Or at least, not completely.

"Legolas," he starts, but he pulls him against his chest and Kili forgets what he was about to say. Instead, he buries himself in that warm embrace and stands on the tips of his toes to kiss the underside of Legolas' chin.

Moments later, bright bursts of color fill the sky of red and green, yellow and purple. Some of Gandalf's fireworks pour down like waterfalls and others flutter about in the shapes of birds and flowers. It's a spectacle unlike Kili has ever seen before. And he can't seem to tear his gaze away, even when all that remains are wisps of smoke in the air. 

It's only when Legolas' arms tighten around him that he remembers himself. Slowly, Kili glances up to find Legolas is smiling fondly at him. 

"Shall we go?" he asks. 

With those simple words, Kili's heart leaps into his throat when it occurs to him that this is their wedding night. Despite all that they've done together up until now, it seems insubstantial when compared to their first night as a married couple. 

Compared to the real thing.

\--

By the time Legolas shuts the door behind them, Kili realizes he's shaking. And when Legolas sees it, the smile on his face falls, which Kili immediately feels guilty about, because that's the very last thing he meant to happen.

"We can just sleep tonight. There's no pressure," Legolas says. It's meant to be comforting, Kili knows that, but it just makes him feel worse. 

"I do want to. _I do_." He clutches at the front of his robes, as if that might prove his point. "I'm just not sure how we're going to--"

Legolas waits for him to finish, but when he trails off and doesn't continue, he seems to understand. "You're wondering how we'll consummate our marriage."

Kili feel his face flush with warmth, but manages to nod. For all that he's spent the last few weeks preparing for the wedding itself, no one ever mentioned what happened after. Harriel did her best to explain when he asked, but by the end of it he had been even more confused than ever. And nothing she described sounded very appealing. In fact, it seemed downright painful. 

Fingers brush against his heated cheek, startling him to look up. Legolas smiles when their eyes meet and bends down to kiss him. Clever hands start to work on the buckles and ties of his robes until they pool to the floor. They're quickly followed by his tunic, trousers, and his boots.

He opens his eyes (when did he close them?), shivering from the loss of heat of Legolas' body as he pulls away to undress himself. Kili stares at the expanse of bare skin before him and reaches out to touch. Legolas draws in a sharp breath as he runs his hands over his chest and down his sides, his nails scraping lightly. He moans, pressing his lips against of side of Kili's neck and sucking hard. It causes Kili's knees to nearly buckle under him with only Legolas' arms to keep him standing. 

"I've got you, Kili," Legolas says softly. And before he can even blink, he finds himself being lifted off his feet and carefully laid on the bed. 

He bites down on a whimper at the sensation of Legolas' chest rubbing against his nipples and the hardness pressed into his hip. Then he moans helplessly as Legolas shifts, causing their cocks to grind together. 

"If you feel uneasy, tell me and I'll stop," Legolas says to him. 

It takes a moment for the words to register through the haze of pleasure Kili already feels, but when it does he glares up at him. "If you stop, I'll never forgive you."

Legolas smiles, warm and brilliant, and slides down, as if looking for a more comfortable position. Kili means to snap at him about it, but instead gasps when Legolas latches onto his nipple with his mouth. "Nothing is going to come out if you do that," he says, panting. His thoughts turn to Iraleth, bitter and irrationally jealous.

"I'm quite aware." Fingers pinch at his other nipple and Kili writhes, his hands flying into Legolas' hair, tugging hard as he cants his hips up to bring them closer. Legolas watches his face, a smile tugging at the corner of that mouth. 

Kili makes a frustrated noise when Legolas suddenly pulls away and reaches for the bedside table, where Kili realizes are several glass vials he hadn't noticed before. Legolas opens one and pours its contents into his hand before positioning himself between his legs. Kili spreads his thighs wider to accommodate him, nervous but eager. 

The first finger pressing into him doesn't hurt, but it does feel strange, and Kili can't help the way he tenses at the intrusion. Legolas at once places his other hand lightly over the curve of his ankle and says, "Just relax."

Kili takes a deep breath and the finger pushes deeper inside him, working him open until he's loose enough to take a second. Throughout it all, Legolas kisses him, distracting him from the hand trailing up his thigh until it's wrapped around his cock. Kili moans as he strokes him until he's coming with a cry. 

He lays back, breathing hard and staring up at Legolas, who has at some point removed his fingers to covering them in more oil while trying to turn Kili onto his front. "What are you doing?"

"This is your first time," he says. Kili feels embarrassed about it, but the words are gentle. "It'll be more comfortable if you lie on your belly."

Perhaps it's the fact that he's come only moments before and not quite thinking clearly, but he does know that he wants to please Legolas to the best of his ability. He shakes his head. "I want to see you."

"It will be easier," Legolas tries, but Kili has always been too reckless and impatient for his own good. 

"Just get on with it," he demands, grabbing his hand and holding it between his legs. 

A third finger joins the first two and Kili arches into it, overwhelmed and sensitive. When Legolas finally withdraws his hand, he's both relieved and disappointed at the loss of him. But he wraps his legs around his hips and his fingers are followed by something much bigger, causing Kili to throw his head back and taking him deeper.

Legolas moans as he moves in and out of him and his toes curl at the sound. As the thrusting speeds up, Kili grips his shoulder with one hand while the other yanks hard on his hair to drag him in for a kiss. Legolas moans again as their tongues meet and Kili grins against his mouth, giddy with the knowledge he does that to him.

Kili can feel himself start to get hard again and apparently so can Legolas, because he reaches between their bodies and rub him to full hardness. "Let's come together," he says. 

As he climaxes a second time, white noise drowns out everything and it takes Kili some time to gather his wits. By the time he's aware of himself again, Legolas is sliding under the sheets with him. He must have cleaned them both up, because Kili doesn't feel any stickiness when he slides his legs together. Only a bit of soreness. 

"Are you all right?" Legolas asks, looking concerned. 

Kili smiles. "I'm fine. Just tired."

Legolas burrows closer and kisses him. "It's been a real gift to have this with you."

He twines their fingers together until the words sink in and he struggles to sit up. "I nearly forgot."

When he tries to climb out of bed, Legolas stills him with a hand on his shoulder and goes off to fetch what Kili detects. He finds the pendant in the pocket of his trousers and looks puzzled. "What is it?" he asks as he settles down beside him again. 

Kili takes the pendant from him and fastens it around his neck. "It's tradition," he explains. "Among my people, we have more than one name. A secret one that we only tell to a cherished few."

Legolas touches the pendant around his throat. "And what is yours?" Kili tells him and he repeats it like a prayer. Like something sacred.

He immediately kisses him again and Legolas kisses him back. Unfortunately, it doesn't last very long because of how exhausted Kili is, but as Legolas lays his head upon his chest to listen to his heartbeat, he feels at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm embarrassed by how long it took me to get this chapter up, but I wanted to do it justice because things have been building up to this. All of Legolas and Kili's complicated (and rather strange engagement) has been quite an experience to write. And I have to thank all of you who have read this fic and kept the love I have for this story burning, because without you I never would have made it this far. So I just have the epilogue and we'll be finished at last (until the sequel, that is)!


	23. Epilogue

“Stop squirming,” Kili scolds as he fixes Aredhel’s collar. 

“I’m not squirming, Father,” she answers like a petulant child, which she’s always going to be to him, despite being nearly as tall as Legolas now. But she doesn’t complain about the awkward position she’s in, bending down so that Kili can fuss at her clothes. She looks very handsome in the black silk tunic and trousers she has on, accented with mithril earrings and a thick mithril necklace that looks more like armor than a tasteful accessory. Her hair is tied up in a high ponytail, making her look like the warrior she is, trained by Tauriel herself.

Andreth looks up from her reflection from where she’s been brushing out her long hair, smiling at her sister’s antics. She’s wearing a long, delicate black silk dress with a thin mithril chain hanging from her throat, a sapphire clip pinned in her hair that was a gift from Kili’s mother. Andreth, more of a scholar than her adventurous sister (although just as fearsome in battle) and therefore more observant, studies Kili carefully. “How do you fare, Father?”

He smooths the material of Aredhel’s collar one last time and moves away, clearing his throat as he fights the tears forming in his eyes. He catches sight of himself in Andreth’s vanity mirror, his haggard appearance and own black mourning clothes. “Not well,” he replies honestly. 

Andreth rises from her chair at the same moment Aredhel steps into Kili’s space, and they both wrap their arms around him, offering what comfort they can. He lets himself sink into their embrace for a moment before cupping their cheeks in his hands, smilie trembling behind his beard. 

“Ada will be worried,” he says and slips out of their arms, heading to the door. “We should go find him.”

He shouldn’t have bothered, because Legolas is standing on the other side when he pulls the door open, his hand already raised to knock. Legolas is also dressed in black and is pulling it off remarkably well, the contrast of his pale hair to the dark silk. He indeed looks worried, but only for Kili, who looks up at him and feels his heart swell with love and affection, even after all these years of being married to him. “It’s time,” he says. 

Kili nods and takes his hand, letting Legolas lead him down the hall as the girls fall into step behind them. He wasn’t sure what he expected when the messenger arrived to Mirkwood, but it startled him to hear of his uncle’s passing all the same. A naive part of them believed that Thorin would live forever, never mind that the decades were marked by the steadily growing length of Kili’s beard. His uncle deserved it after all the tragedy in his life, after how long it took for him to reclaim his rightful inheritance. Thorin couldn’t even be with the one he loved, marrying out of honor and duty instead. 

Thorin and his wife never even had children. The crown went to Fili, as it should have anyway, and the entire situation seemed ironically sad to Kili. He could see how unbearably lonely his uncle was in his final years, and resented the dwarf he called his aunt. Not that Rida was a bad sort, but she was obviously more concerned about her glittering parties and dinners to care about Thorin’s loneliness or do anything to help. 

But Kili wonders as the the mournful singing echoes through the halls, if anyone could have helped. He stares up at Thranduil’s grief stricken face, standing beside Gandalf, as they reach his uncle’s tomb, and knows that he loved Thorin very much. Kili can’t even imagine how painful it must be to love someone so much and never allowed to be with them. It sounds like a horrible fate. 

Dis is standing with Gimli and Fili’s eldest, Vini, who looks almost identical to how Fili looked when they first set out on their quest, all those years ago. The only difference is that he has Lae’s bright red hair, Lae who is sobbing by Fili’s side quietly, no doubt still worried about their younger son, Yini, who they sent with Balin and Ori to Moria some time ago to keep him safe from the growing darkness in the east. 

Kili thinks of Mirkwood and treacheries that have made their home inside of it, shivering as he does for a reason that has nothing to do with the chilly tombs beneath Erebor. Even if he doesn’t have the same magical prowess as the elves around him, even he can feel something is coming, a spreading darkness from the east. Maybe not today, and may not tomorrow, but soon. He’s gone on enough patrols with Legolas and Tauriel to witness firsthand what no one dares speak about. And Thorin’s death feels like the beginning of the end. 

Kili tightens his hold on Legolas’ hand, his resolve hardening as his uncle is buried in stone. Surrounded by his family and those he loves, Kili promises himself that he’ll stop it with his bare hands if he has to. He’s made a life for himself, something he thought was completely impossible all those years ago, before he realized it wouldn’t be so terrible to marry someone like Legolas. He’s found happiness throughout the years as Tauriel’s friend, father to Andreth and Aredhel, and married to Legolas.

He won’t let anyone or anything in this world take it away from him. Not if he can help it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And at last we’re done! Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me to work on this story, I definitely couldn’t have done it without you. 
> 
> There was supposed to be a sequel that revolved around Kili going with Legolas to Rivendell and end up as the tenth member of the Fellowship, get up to antics with Merry and Pippin, and kick some Uruk-hai ass before sailing off to the Undying Lands with Legolas and Gimli, but I have other projects I want to work on instead. Maybe someday I’ll come back to this verse and write out the sequel the way it deserves to be written, but unfortunately it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen any time soon. I hope you all understand. 
> 
> Thanks for being part of this adventure with me. Namárie!


End file.
